Members of Milescity.com
Posted by Amber (+222) 12 years ago
I am truely in an uproar.

I have been a member of this site for a few years now and usually keep my mouth shut and chyme in when i feel neccessary.

I have watched people stick their nose into other peoples business, and just have one question: "Is your life so boring that you must belittle people from the saftey of your home on your computer?" How many of you can actually say they have confronted somebody face to face?

Don't get me completely wrong, those that have participated in the threads that are helpfull to the community i must commend.

but those that attack people in a public forum, what do you have to say for yourself. Slowly but surely this website is becoming a target range for unsuspecting victims of the next gossip.

And frankly i could care less if any of you decide to personal attack me because i can guarentee none of you personally know me.

Thanks for reading my rant, and have a wonderful day!
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Posted by Brian A. Reed (+6014) 12 years ago
Amber - I can understand what you're saying.

That having been said, most people know what they're getting into when they log on to milescity.com. I have to ask: what do you define as an "attack?" You may find that a great deal of what you might label as "attacking" (or I would call "vigorous debate" or even "sniping") happens between people who either know each other personally or use their full names and have gotten to know each other on here.

Gossip existed in Miles City lonnnnnnng before this website came into being. So long as there is a Miles City, there will be gossip. The same can be said for nearly any small town anywhere.

I will agree with you that sometimes things go too far. I would still say that at least 95% of the discussion on here isn't done in spite. For instance - and in speaking from my personal experience - I've found that disagree most of the time with what Rick Kuchynka, Kyle Varnell, Jim Brady and Richard Bonine have to say (and I KNOW they would say the exact same thing about me). We have had our share of digs at one another, but I don't believe any of us hold any true animosity with each other. I know I don't. I disagree with their opinions, not with them as people.
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Posted by Darcie Black Fast (+27) 12 years ago
Amber -
Is there a certain situation that happened on here that you are upset about, because most of it seems like friendly fire?!?
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Posted by Amber (+222) 12 years ago
I agree Brian, i may have taken my outrage a little to far. But i do feel that one person can tell a story or state their opinion here and is then "attacked" by others on the site because they don't agree.

Gossip has been a long acceptable tradition but this public forum sometimes goes too far when it comes to violating a persons privacy.

on another post i was sharing an april fools joke story and was said quoted "Amber is a good case for state-mandated birth control." should i be sanctioned to hell all over a stupid little prank that i did over 12 years ago. i think not because i'm sure that many of these posters have done far worse things in their lifetime.

I do enter the threads with the best intension. But what really erks me is that these people don't know me personally.

I am a highly educated woman and wish that the closed minded people would realize that not everybody's perfect and they make mistakes, but they come out of it, they mature. and from what i can tell alot of miles citians have not crossed that line into maturity.
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Posted by Sarah Blakely (+64) 12 years ago
This was my response to you on "April Fools". I am not attacking you in anyway, or stating I am perfect....just stating my opinion.


Amber,

Congrats on your degree, but you are missing the point of why people are upset with you. I realize that you were a teenager when you pulled the prank, but to actually post the joke made it appear that you have no regard for women in abusive relationships. So many women live in terror everyday...and you "appeared" to make fun of it. It's not that people are being closed-minded....there just is nothing funny about abuse...no matter how you look at it.
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Posted by Wendy Wilson (+6165) 12 years ago
on another post i was sharing an april fools joke story and was said quoted "Amber is a good case for state-mandated birth control." should i be sanctioned to hell all over a stupid little prank that i did over 12 years ago. i think not because i'm sure that many of these posters have done far worse things in their lifetime.

Amber, I may have gone too far as well. I apologize for hurting your feelings. I guess my outrage was not necessarily about the prank itself but rather that you seemed to still take such delight in telling it. I did many things as a teenager that I'm not proud of but I have the good sense not to brag about them now. And as far as what I've done with my life, I practiced law for several years, am raising a family and am now an Enrolled Agent. Congrats on your degree. I'm sure you worked just as hard as I did and you are right to be proud of it.

This forum is a public place. If you post things here you are likely to get many different responses, not all of them complimentary. It's the risk you take. I think it's a good thing because it makes you think more carefully about what you say. Instant communication tends to promote knee-jerk reaction. However, I do agree with you about gossip. It's as heinous here as it would be at the water cooler. I suggest that you ignore it. There's not much else you can do.

[This message has been edited by Wendy Wilson (4/3/2009)]
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Posted by Amber (+222) 12 years ago
Wendy, I thank you for your apology and believed that my story my have been taken out of context. i was hurt by the words said because i have worked very hard to get where i am today. I apologize for letting my anger get the best of me.
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Posted by Brian A. Reed (+6014) 12 years ago
It's KUMBAYA time, everybody!
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Posted by Buck Showalter (+4461) 12 years ago
I wouldn't apologize. If the people don't know you personally, then why bother being offended? You're wasting your energy.
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Posted by Wendy Wilson (+6165) 12 years ago
Come on, Buck. We were all just starting a lovefest and you go and ruin it.
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Posted by Steve Craddock (+2743) 12 years ago
taken from my entry on the "April Fool's Day" thread:

Miles City is such a wonderful town. It absolutely amazes me how many friendly people live here, and how kind (almost) everyone is. I think we owe it to Miles City to conduct ourselves online the same way we would on the sidewalk. I think one simple rule would help us reach that goal, and here it is:

If you wouldn't say it "that way" to their face, don't say it "that way" online either.
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Posted by J. Dyba (+1350) 12 years ago
So what you're saying is I have to get dressed before logging on now?
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Posted by Steve Craddock (+2743) 12 years ago
I ain't gonna touch that one with a ten-foot pole.

Er, perhaps I should have put that another way...
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Posted by Brian A. Reed (+6014) 12 years ago
Bail, Steve! Abort now! Abort! Abort!
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Posted by Bob Netherton (+1893) 12 years ago
If I was going to personally confront everyone on this site, it'd be trains, plains and automobiles every day, baby. I want to personally thank the webmaster for providing this economically and ecologically friendly method of confronting everyone who pisses me off...........
especially strangers. I have personally confronted poisonspaghetti, and let me tell you, the internet is much tidier than face to face.
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Posted by Cheryl Gaer-Barlow (+474) 12 years ago
Amber, I agree with you. Many of the posts are compassionate, humorous, intelligent, and thoughtful. They're interesting to read!
I understand there are a thousand people hooked up to this link. Yet we only hear from a handful of tough skinned people expressing their views. Why do you suppose that is?
Are the other 975 people shy?
Perhaps they just don't care?
Perhaps they are afraid of being belittled, embarrassed, humiliated,condemned?
Why should they expose themselves to being hurt?
It would be nice if we could read the opinions of some one from Oregon, or Washington, or California, or Texas. (Well, maybe not Texas). The trouble with reading printed words is, you don't know if it's supposed to be in jest or serious.
A thread I posted a year ago was, well, all I can say is; I'm sure glad they don't behead or burn at the stake anymore!
We all have one thing in common. We all love Miles City. Perhaps we could all temper our remarks so as not to offend the sensitive.
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Posted by Steve Craddock (+2743) 12 years ago
Cheryl: That has got to be THEE dumbest thing I ever heard! (Kidding - Just kidding!!!)

Personally, I'm glad they don't burn people at the stake anymore. I'd be toast for sure, and I'd hate that.

[This message has been edited by Steve Craddock (4/3/2009)]
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Posted by poisonspaghetti (+281) 12 years ago
Did I hear my name?
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Posted by Brian A. Reed (+6014) 12 years ago
There's little doubt that I would have been crispified long ago if there were still stake-burnings.
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Posted by Wendy Wilson (+6165) 12 years ago
I'm always cold anyway.
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Posted by Buck Showalter (+4461) 12 years ago
And completely defeating the purpose of the internet: If you wouldn't say it "that way" to their face, don't say it "that way" online either.


The web - one place you're allowed to say what you (and everyone else) is thinking

And I know how so many of you are convinced people won't say it to their face because they're scared - don't flatter yourself - it's called manners. Not being told you're a complete moe means never having to deal with the reality of being a complete moe.
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Posted by T Brown (+478) 12 years ago
I agree Buck. Now... I know that sometimes people can be a little insensitive at times......but I think for the most part, those who post on this site are just giving our own opinion, or just trying to laugh a bit. Yeah we tease some folks, but we can be serious and compassionate when we need to be. I get a little bent about some things and I'll tell it like it is. Thats what is so good about this site...you can vent when you need to and in the next thread you can laugh and tease or give someone sh** about a Certain "football" team. I just say take everyting in stride and the stuff that you would'nt want "so-so" comments on, don't post it...thats the reason we all have closets!!!!wink
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Posted by Richard Bonine, Jr (+14950) 12 years ago
Amber:

It might be helpful for you to understand that there are some who post here who take themselves very seriously and apparently lack the ability to laugh at themselves. Yes, from time to time they can seem mean spirited. However, most of them are like a big old dog who has lost all of his teeth: they bark a lot, can seem intimidating, but if they try to bite they will just gum you to death. I guess that is just part of the deal and I certainly wouldn't loose any sleep over them.

Knowing that they can't help themselves, watch the next 10 posts in this thread and you will see who I am talking about. As Red Green always says, keep your stick on the ice.

[This message has been edited by Richard Bonine, Jr (4/4/2009)]
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Posted by Steve Craddock (+2743) 12 years ago
The web - one place you're allowed to say what you (and everyone else) is thinking

The web is great in that way, and I don't want to change that. I just think we could all put a little more effort on the thinking part of our statements before we get to the say part.

What I'm advocating is a little more effort to be civil on THIS site. I know as much as anyone that it's easy (and FUN) to type out a stream of "gut-reaction" words. But sometimes those gut-reactions are unnecessarily harsh, and the THOUGHT behind the words could be expressed much better without the vitriol.

[This message has been edited by Steve Craddock (4/4/2009)]
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Posted by Buck Showalter (+4461) 12 years ago
Whatever Crapduck
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Posted by Bob L. (+5094) 12 years ago


You're the man, Mr. Showalter.
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Posted by Steve Craddock (+2743) 12 years ago
Oh, God bless you Buck. Seriously. When I really, really need a laugh, you always come thru!
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Posted by VictoriaLynn (+282) 12 years ago
Amber, I understand what you are saying. I got my feelings hurt a few times but have learned that people don't mean to hurt or upset anyone - they are stating their opinion. One thing I've noticed is....there are a lot of opinions....that's what makes it interesting at times.

WENDY, well said!

Amber after thinking about it, I looked up your joke to read what the uproar was about. I have to admit I was somewhat stunned to read where you wrote about how many crisis could Miles City have. You might be surprised at how many crisis there are. If there is one crisis missed due to a prank, the outcome could have a devastating outcome. With your graduation coming up in psychology, surely you have learned you can't judge the numbers of crimes, crisis, etc., by the size of the town.

If you can't take it, don't post it.

Enough said before I get something started here, i.e., mud slinging.

[This message has been edited by VictoriaLynn (4/4/2009)]
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Posted by Frank E. Ross (+68) 12 years ago
Amber,
Occasionally I log onto MC.com just to touch base with eastern Montana and it is usually entertaining, sometimes informative, sometimes ridiculous and sometimes very witty and funny. But life is usually quite boring (Did you get your elk last fall? Any snow up your way?) so I might take a bite or a swipe at someone or say soemthing "off the wall" just for the hell of it or maybe to elicit a piqued response from someone. And once in a while the commentary is abrasive to the point where I think Geez, the next time I go to Miles City I'd better take a hand gun just to protect myself. This is just to say, Amber, if ever I have offended you with my barbs, please accept my aplogies and know that someone out there loves you.
Frank
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Posted by Frank Hardy (+1606) 12 years ago



...err, I mean, yeah. Me too.


FH
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Posted by Steve Craddock (+2743) 12 years ago
Earlier I said: "I think we owe it to Miles City to conduct ourselves online the same way we would on the sidewalk."

That goes all ways. In other words, Mr. Ross -- Get a ROOM!
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Posted by Brian A. Reed (+6014) 12 years ago
My motto is: "I'd rather be honest than nice."

Sometimes the truth hurts, and if it does, it's hardly the fault of the truth-teller.
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Posted by T Brown (+478) 12 years ago
Well said Brian!!!
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Posted by Steve Craddock (+2743) 12 years ago
Brian: "Sometimes the truth hurts, and if it does, it's hardly the fault of the truth-teller."

I don't buy that for a single second for several reasons, the first one being this:

Bullies aren't tolerated on elementary school playgrounds, and I see no reason that we should have different rules here.
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Posted by Brian A. Reed (+6014) 12 years ago
There's a difference between being a bully and calling a spade a spade, Steve. I'm not advocating being cruel or abusive by any means (you know me better than that). I just think that people can get a bit too thin-skinned and are often all too willing to be outraged.

If someone wants to be offended, they'll find a way to be, regardless of what's said.

That having been said, I have far more patience for people who post using their real names rather than sniping from behind a wall of anonymity.

[This message has been edited by Brian A. Reed (4/5/2009)]
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Posted by Dona Stebbins (+819) 12 years ago
Amen to that Brian. My father used to say that those who don't have the courage to own their words are cowards.
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Posted by Ryan (+477) 12 years ago
Amber,
I went back to read your joke and was down right mad. That is not a joke. Yes you were 15 when you did it but that fact is in Miles City we had over 30 Partner, Family Member Assaults in 2008. Abuse is not something to make fun of. While you were on the crisis line making a joke someone else, who was need of an advocate, could of been trying to call to help get out of a domestic situation but the volunteer was ignoring that call to deal with your joke.

That is my opinion.

[This message has been edited by Ryan (4/5/2009)]
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Posted by Frank Hardy (+1606) 12 years ago
She was a kid. Get over it. The only other one calling was me wanting to ask if their refrigerator was running. After getting the busy signal for a couple of minutes, I called Buttreys and asked the guy if he had pigs feet. Yep, he said yes and I told him to wear shoes and nobody would notice.


He thanked me for the advice, oinked, and we moved on.


FH
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Posted by poisonspaghetti (+281) 12 years ago
If you can't say something nice, come sit by me.
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Posted by Steve Craddock (+2743) 12 years ago
Ah, Poisonspaghetti - that is great line. Are you a Constant Reader?
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Posted by Stone (+1596) 12 years ago
Jeez, I better not tell you guys the things I did as a kid. But gosh darn it I love those goofy bast...s.
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Posted by Steve Craddock (+2743) 12 years ago
Brian said: "There's a difference between being a bully and calling a spade a spade, Steve. I'm not advocating being cruel or abusive by any means (you know me better than that)."

I wasn't just referring to your posts. There are dozens of examples of bully-ish remarks. In fact, I'm as guilty as anybody else of posting responses that are harsher than they should be.

I just don't know why we all can't continue to be every bit as 'honest' as we have been, but just do it in a slightly more congenial style -- except in those cases where we either:
1) know the recipient well enough to know that they have a "thick skin" and can take it, or
2) are responding in kind to someone who has crossed the line and therefore deserves a shot across the bow.

Finally, I'm not advocating rules here - just a Code that would be more like guidelines - hehe
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Posted by Wendy Wilson (+6165) 12 years ago
A harsh remark is not necessarily "bullyish". As someone who had her own personal bully in junior high, I know the difference.
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Posted by Steve Craddock (+2743) 12 years ago
With respect to the April Fool's thread, I think people's emotions just got a little heated and they spoke in passion. Topics like domestic abuse and battering can - and SHOULD - evoke those passions. But YuGiOh??? C'mon....

I used "bully" because the YuGiOh! thread was started by a young person between the ages of 15 and 21 who was looking for people to play a game. Suddenly the comments turned quite nasty and everyone piled on. We called that "dogpiling" where I grew up, and it was a bully's game.

At no point (that I know of) did anyone send the poster a private or public message that simply said something along the lines of "Joey, your spelling skills are very poor and that is going to hold you back later in life. Here are some resources that could help."

So, those of you who sent Joey all those "honest" and "harsh" comments can hide behind those words if you want to -- but I'll just "call a spade and spade" and say there was a lot of bullying going on.

[This message has been edited by Steve Craddock (4/6/2009)]
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Posted by Hal Neumann (+9919) 12 years ago
I thought this was the Amber thread, not the joey thread.
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Posted by Steve Craddock (+2743) 12 years ago
Well, I don't think it's specifically an Amber topic or a Joey topic. I think the topic is how we behave and treat one another on MC.com - so I'm mixing the two.

And besides, Hal... When did you join the "thread police"?
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Posted by Hal Neumann (+9919) 12 years ago
Thanks for clearing that up . . . I just don't what we'd do without you.
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Posted by Steve Craddock (+2743) 12 years ago
Ooh - ouch! He shoots. He scores! Two points for Hal!
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Posted by urcrackinmeup (+134) 12 years ago
That "Crapduck" comment by Buck made me laugh really hard! That's a classic.
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Posted by Wendy Wilson (+6165) 12 years ago
Okay, Steve. You do have a point. Thanks for bringing us back to our senses.
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Posted by Steve Craddock (+2743) 12 years ago
RE: the "classic Crapduck comment"

Yep, I've had several nicknames in my life, but Crapduck takes the cake. I have already thanked Mr. Shipley for christening me such and giving me a shot at immortality.
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Posted by Richard Bonine, Jr (+14950) 12 years ago
I think you were atheistened "crapduck" rather that "christened".
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Posted by Steve Craddock (+2743) 12 years ago
You may have a point - I was never really sure about Rob's religious views. Now, his views re: the IRS on the other hand... crystal clear.
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