Posted by Tomm (-1033) 5 years ago
DIVORCE AGREEMENT- -

WRITTEN BY YOUNG COLLEGE STUDENT

The person who wrote this is a college (law) student. Perhaps there is hope for us after all.


DIVORCE AGREEMENT



THIS IS SO INCREDIBLY WELL PUT AND I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE IT'S BY A YOUNG PERSON, A STUDENT!!! WHATEVER HE RUNS FOR, I'LL VOTE FOR HIM.

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al: We have stuck together since the late 1950's for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.

Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is our separation agreement:

--Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

--We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them.

--You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.

--Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.

--We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and the coal mines, and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel.

--You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.

--We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street.

--You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens.

--We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks.

--We'll keep Bill O ' Reilly, and Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood .

--You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.

--You can have the peaceniks and war protesters.

-- When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

--We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.

--You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill.

--We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Volt and Leaf you can find.

--You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors.

--We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem."

--I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya" or "We Are the World".

--We'll practice trickle-down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.

--Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you might think about which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

Sincerely,

John J. Wall

Law Student and an American

P.S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin & Charlie Sheen, Barbara Streisand and Jane Fonda with you.

P.S.S. And you won't have to press 1 for English when you call our country.
Top
+7
-11
supporter
Posted by Amorette F. Allison (+1917) 5 years ago
Please leave. Please. Narrow-minded bigots do not belong as part of the American dream. The simple-minded, who reduce complex issues to "I hate others" should move somewhere. Anywhere. Please. GO!!!!!
Top
+11
-9
supporter
Posted by cj sampsel (+479) 5 years ago
Well put together my ass!
Top
+3
-4
supporter
Posted by Amorette F. Allison (+1917) 5 years ago
Let's start with Wal-Mart. You want to keep Wal-Mart but get rid of anyone on government assistance. Who will work at the Wal-Mart? I don't know if you aware of this but most of their employees need assistance to eat and have a roof over your head. So you get rid of everyone on assistance--who are mostly white, again, in case you didn't know that--and there is no one left to work at Wal-Mart. And since no one who can afford to shop anywhere else shops at Wal-Mart, who will be shopping there? Rich white folks do NOT set foot in Wally World. So that is just one doomed corporation under your plan.

And that's just one of the most obvious stupid things in a HUGE list of STUPID things.
Top
+9
-9
supporter
Posted by Wendy Wilson (+6165) 5 years ago
Nice trolling, Tomm. But you screwed up by including the fat-shaming comment.
Top
+5
-5
admin
moderator
founder
Posted by MilesCity.com Webmaster (+10001) 5 years ago
Here's a version from 2009, over 7 years ago:

http://www.renewamerica.c...f=3&t=8817

It comes from this website:

http://www.renewamerica.com/

The exact content keeps changing, depending upon whoever last updated whatever.

In any case, it's a fake letter.

Renew America wrote:
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists, Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile, slate it up to irreconcilable differences, and go on our own ways.

Here is a model dissolution agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement.

After that it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes. We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.

Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell. We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies, and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's, and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood .

You can make nice with Iran , Palestine , and France and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protestors. When our allies or way of life are under assault, we'll provide them job security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian Values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, and Shirley McClain. You can have the U.N. But we will no longer be paying the bill. We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare, if you can find any practicing doctors (that is practicing, Howard Dean) who will follow to your turf (sic). We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.

We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and The National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.

We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty its best shot.

Since it often so offends you we'll keep our History, our Name, and our Flag.

Would you agree to this? If so please pass it along to other likeminded patriots and if you do not agree just hit delete and hang on.

In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR on who will need whose help in 15 years.

Sincerely,

John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

P.S. Please take Barbra Streisand too.
Top
+4
-3
supporter
Posted by Jeri Dalbec (+3243) 5 years ago
An oldie with a lot of retaliation...take your pick:

https://www.google.com/?g...n+American
Top
+4
-2
admin
moderator
founder
Posted by MilesCity.com Webmaster (+10001) 5 years ago
I kind of find it funny that the original, older version, stated this:

Old Version wrote:
You can give everyone healthcare, if you can find any practicing doctors (that is practicing, Howard Dean) who will follow to your turf (sic). We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.


While Tomm's newer version, only states this:

New Version wrote:
You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors.


What happened to the "We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right." ???
Top
+5
-4
Posted by Forsyth Mike (+475) 5 years ago
And since no one who can afford to shop anywhere else shops at Wal-Mart, who will be shopping there? Rich white folks do NOT set foot in Wally World.


I beg to differ on that one. LOTS OF folks who can afford to shop anywhere else shop at Wal-Mart. Ask any of the thousands of small business owners that they ran out of town across this great land of ours.
Top
+2
moderator
founder
Posted by David Schott (+17053) 5 years ago
Forsyth Mike wrote:
"I beg to differ on that one. LOTS OF folks who can afford to shop anywhere else shop at Wal-Mart."

Hey, they didn't get rich by paying too much for their toilet paper and toothpaste.
Top
+1
Posted by stephen (+250) 5 years ago
The mental images I get when reading this are really quite amusing, on the one hand, we have a small utopia, of small businesses and equality in religion, economics, and most other important aspects of life. Education would be low cost, and health care available to everyone, as well as a country run on renewable resources with technology driven towards that goal.

On the other hand, we have a country that is half wasteland, all of the natural resources being destroyed, through use of fossil fuels, nuclear power, and excessive and unregulated logging, building, and destroying, and the like. Capitalism would have fell apart, because no-one was working the fields, or in the large corporations. 15 years down the line, the liberal nation would be under attack from the capitalist nation, because they are in desperate need of the resources they squandered. The military would be made up of drones, because military gets a large contribution of people from the drones, so in seeking to gain the resources country A had built up, country two would destroy half of that, seeking to feed a machine that is outdated.
Top
+2
-3
supporter
Posted by Richard Bonine, Jr. (+14950) 5 years ago
No, we don't need a divorce. Rather we need for those of you who would applaud the idea of this kind of divorce to understand the true mean of "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" and "love your neighbor as you love yourself". If you can expend the effort to understand and practice  the golden rule, we can work through this mess. Please make that effort.
Top
+14
-4
Posted by waylyn319 (+61) 5 years ago
I think its just about perfect. All it needs is one word swapped out in exchange for another. For my personal preference I will take my fire arms, My PITBULLS, the NRA, and the Military. A police state is of their world, not mine.
Top
+1
-3
supporter
Posted by Bridgier (+9194) 5 years ago
Top
+1
-2
supporter
Posted by Richard Bonine, Jr. (+14950) 5 years ago
Reply to waylyn319 (#366364)
waylyn319 wrote:
For my personal preference I will take my fire arms, My PITBULLS, the NRA, and the Military. A police state is of their world, not mine.


Seems to me this is the very definition of a police state. Everything you've mentioned is about ruling through the use of fear, which is the essence of a police state. That is not liberty in any sense of the word.

[Edited by Richard Bonine, Jr. (5/3/2016 8:12:00 AM)]
Top
+3
-4
Posted by waylyn319 (+61) 5 years ago
Shhhh.....
Top
+1
-1