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Humor, Jokes & Games
: Richard's One-liners
Humor, Jokes & Games
Richard's One-liners
Richard Bonine, Jr.
Amorette Allison
Bob Netherton II
Richard Bonine, Jr.
Steve Sullivan
Elizabeth Emilsson
Joe Whalen
Wendy Wilson
Richard Bonine, Jr.
Richard Bonine, Jr.
Richard Bonine, Jr.
Gunnar Emilsson
Richard Bonine, Jr.
Gunnar Emilsson
Richard Bonine, Jr.
Gunnar Emilsson
Gunnar Emilsson
Richard Bonine, Jr.
Elizabeth Emilsson
Richard Bonine, Jr.
Wayne White
Richard Bonine, Jr.
Richard Bonine, Jr.
Richard Bonine, Jr.
Gunnar Emilsson
Richard Bonine, Jr.
Richard Bonine, Jr.
Barb Holcomb
Gunnar Emilsson
Gunnar Emilsson
Richard Bonine, Jr.
Richard Bonine, Jr.
Richard Bonine, Jr.
Richard Bonine, Jr.
Richard Bonine, Jr.
Gunnar Emilsson
Elizabeth Emilsson
Gunnar Emilsson
Richard Bonine, Jr.
Richard Bonine, Jr.
Gunnar Emilsson
Gunnar Emilsson
Richard Bonine, Jr.
David Schott
Richard Bonine, Jr.
Elizabeth Emilsson
Richard Bonine, Jr.
Richard Bonine, Jr.
Gunnar Emilsson
Gunnar Emilsson
Elizabeth Emilsson
Gunnar Emilsson
Richard Bonine, Jr.
Richard Bonine, Jr.
Gunnar Emilsson
Gunnar Emilsson
Richard Bonine, Jr.
Richard Bonine, Jr.
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Posted by
Richard Bonine, Jr.
(+15405)
9 years ago
Ever since my mineral extraction facility was converted to parking, I've had a lot on my mine.
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Posted by
Amorette Allison
(+12504)
9 years ago
At least it takes less time to get to the wincing.
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Posted by
Bob Netherton II
(+1908)
9 years ago
I feel kind of cheated, Amorette. The rambling, somewhat pointless and endless "set-up" paragraphs are a nice diversion at the end of a difficult day.
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Posted by
Richard Bonine, Jr.
(+15405)
9 years ago
Q: What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?
A: The snowballs.
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Posted by
Steve Sullivan
(+1430)
9 years ago
Don't they have counselors for this? You would think someone could help him.
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Posted by
Elizabeth Emilsson
(+789)
9 years ago
He needs to settle down and go back to work. He has way too much time on his hands.
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Posted by
Joe Whalen
(+616)
9 years ago
Sorry, Richard. I get all the one-liners I need from the milescity.com Classifieds section.
----->
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Posted by
Wendy Wilson
(+6168)
9 years ago
Maybe we should stage an intervention.
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Posted by
Richard Bonine, Jr.
(+15405)
9 years ago
Time is what keeps everything from happening all at once.
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Posted by
Richard Bonine, Jr.
(+15405)
9 years ago
Went into a space bar once to get a quick brew. Not beer, just a hot cup of Earl Grey. Turns out the space bar doesn't serve that. They have a "zero grab a tea" policy.
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Posted by
Richard Bonine, Jr.
(+15405)
9 years ago
If prisons let prisoners take their own mugshots, would they be called cellfies?
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Posted by
Gunnar Emilsson
(+18345)
9 years ago
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Posted by
Richard Bonine, Jr.
(+15405)
9 years ago
The saying "Hamming it up for the camera" started out as "Lambing it up for the camera," but all of the pictures came out too sheepish.
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Posted by
Gunnar Emilsson
(+18345)
9 years ago
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Posted by
Richard Bonine, Jr.
(+15405)
9 years ago
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
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Posted by
Gunnar Emilsson
(+18345)
9 years ago
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Posted by
Gunnar Emilsson
(+18345)
9 years ago
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Posted by
Richard Bonine, Jr.
(+15405)
9 years ago
Clones are people two.
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Posted by
Elizabeth Emilsson
(+789)
9 years ago
Thanks Richard and Gunnar. it's better than "zero graba tea".
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Posted by
Richard Bonine, Jr.
(+15405)
9 years ago
Tried to play my shoehorn and managed to make some footnotes.
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Posted by
Wayne White
(+263)
9 years ago
People used to get this in the funny papers, now just tune in to Miles City.com for your local enjoyment. Gotta go, left my enjun running.
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Posted by
Richard Bonine, Jr.
(+15405)
9 years ago
A woman visiting France drank too much, fell from her hotel window and ended up in a body cast. She swore never to get plastered in Paris again.
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Posted by
Richard Bonine, Jr.
(+15405)
9 years ago
Did you hear about Dr. Frankenstein's invention for cooking breakfast? He crossed a chicken with an electric organ, and now he's got Hammond eggs.
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Posted by
Richard Bonine, Jr.
(+15405)
9 years ago
It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.
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Posted by
Gunnar Emilsson
(+18345)
9 years ago
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Posted by
Richard Bonine, Jr.
(+15405)
9 years ago
It's only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realize that there is always a way to solve problems without using violence.
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Posted by
Richard Bonine, Jr.
(+15405)
9 years ago
Never make fun of a Scotsman's traditional garb. You could get kilt that way.
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Posted by
Barb Holcomb
(+410)
9 years ago
Three guys are on a boat and they have four cigarettes but no matches or anything to light them with. So what do they do?
They throw one cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter...
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Posted by
Gunnar Emilsson
(+18345)
9 years ago
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Posted by
Gunnar Emilsson
(+18345)
9 years ago
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Posted by
Richard Bonine, Jr.
(+15405)
9 years ago
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Posted by
Richard Bonine, Jr.
(+15405)
9 years ago
I wonder if the inventor of the door knocker won a no-bell prize?
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Posted by
Richard Bonine, Jr.
(+15405)
9 years ago
What do you get when you cross a reptile with a Canadian law enforcement officer?
A Mountie Python.
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Posted by
Richard Bonine, Jr.
(+15405)
9 years ago
Last night I reached for my liquid Viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of whiteout. I woke up this morning with a huge correction.
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Posted by
Richard Bonine, Jr.
(+15405)
8 years ago
Mum's the word when you can't spell Chrysanthemum.
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Posted by
Gunnar Emilsson
(+18345)
8 years ago
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Posted by
Elizabeth Emilsson
(+789)
8 years ago
HAT HAPPENED TO THE APRIL FOOL'S DAY JOKES?
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Posted by
Gunnar Emilsson
(+18345)
8 years ago
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Posted by
Richard Bonine, Jr.
(+15405)
8 years ago
It's almost impossible to do inventories in Afghanistan because of the tally ban.
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Posted by
Richard Bonine, Jr.
(+15405)
8 years ago
Do you ever wonder how the size of hail was described before the game of golf was invented?
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Posted by
Gunnar Emilsson
(+18345)
8 years ago
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Posted by
Gunnar Emilsson
(+18345)
8 years ago
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Posted by
Richard Bonine, Jr.
(+15405)
8 years ago
Q: What do you call 10 rabbits hopping backwards?
A: A receeding hare line.
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Posted by
David Schott
(+18387)
8 years ago
For Richard:
Q: What goes up and never comes down?
A: Your age!
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Posted by
Richard Bonine, Jr.
(+15405)
8 years ago
Beau Bridges took a meteorology course in which the instructor was describing how hail is formed -- much higher than the usual rain clouds.
When he asked where specifically it happened, he was told, "Somewhere over the rain, Beau."
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Posted by
Elizabeth Emilsson
(+789)
8 years ago
Thanks , Richard. Keep them coming. I need the laughs.
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Posted by
Richard Bonine, Jr.
(+15405)
8 years ago
The baker and the actor both get paid by the roll.
The butcher and karate teacher both get paid by the chop.
The cop and the shirtmaker both get paid by the collar.
The lawyer and pastry chef both get paid by the tort.
The writer and occupation army both get paid by the script.
The canvas maker and the store clerk both get paid by the sail.
The electrician, the golfer and the race car driver get paid by the circuit.
The plumber and the investigative reporter both get paid by the leak.
The politician and the hog farmer both benefit from the pork.
The librarian and the embezzler both work off the books.
The opera star and stoolie both get paid by the song.
The bread maker and the masseur both get paid as much as they knead.
The lawyer and the beer distributor both get paid by the case.
The Judge and the umpire both get paid for ruling.
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Posted by
Richard Bonine, Jr.
(+15405)
8 years ago
Did you ever want to call a maternity ward and ask if they deliver?
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Posted by
Gunnar Emilsson
(+18345)
8 years ago
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Posted by
Gunnar Emilsson
(+18345)
8 years ago
BEWARE THE IDES OF MARCH!
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Posted by
Elizabeth Emilsson
(+789)
8 years ago
That was really, really funny, Gunnar.
[This message has been edited by Elizabeth Emilsson (5/9/2014)]
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Posted by
Gunnar Emilsson
(+18345)
8 years ago
Thanks mom.
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Posted by
Richard Bonine, Jr.
(+15405)
8 years ago
That's funny...
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Posted by
Richard Bonine, Jr.
(+15405)
8 years ago
Why do so many foods come packaged in plastic?
It's quite uncanny!
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Posted by
Gunnar Emilsson
(+18345)
8 years ago
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Posted by
Gunnar Emilsson
(+18345)
8 years ago
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Posted by
Richard Bonine, Jr.
(+15405)
8 years ago
I once told a joke to a bunch of noble gases, but they didn't react.
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Posted by
Richard Bonine, Jr.
(+15405)
8 years ago
The sheep rustler who broke out of jail is now on the lam.
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