Holiday Eating Tips
Posted by DEAN (+95) 7 years ago
1.Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare... You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? LaborDay?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:


Quote:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand and wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "YEE-HA!!! WHAT A RIDE!!!"
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Posted by Wendy Wilson (+6175) 7 years ago
Finally, something DEAN and I can agree on.
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Posted by Bob Netherton II (+1903) 7 years ago
This is sort of how I eat all the time.
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Posted by Elizabeth Emilsson (+796) 7 years ago
Thank you for offering guilt free tips.
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Posted by Karen L. Morris (+1194) 7 years ago
For those passing up on the carrots, please gather a few and pass them along to me. I LOVE carrots, celery, pumpkin, squash, etc. and would be happy to relieve you of yours without disclosure (so you can pretend you were really eating healthy)!

Thank you for your consideration and thoughtfulness!

Love,
Jobie
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Posted by Elizabeth Emilsson (+796) 7 years ago
Eat , drink and be merry, for tomorrow, we may diet.
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Posted by Cheryl Gaer-Barlow (+473) 7 years ago
Dean, I LOVE that quote! Could you cite who it's from? Thanks!
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Posted by Gunnar Emilsson (+15015) 6 years ago
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Posted by Lincoln (+146) 6 years ago
It's from Hunter S. Thompson. one of my favorites as well.
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Posted by Gunnar Emilsson (+15015) 6 years ago
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