A little old lady was selling seashells on a street corner. One afternoon a well dressed man passed by her, and she grabbed his arm. "How about some nice seashells?" she asked.

"No, thank you," the man replied.

Suddenly the woman clutched her throat and fell to the pavement, "What's wrong?" asked the man.

"I'm going fast," the old woman wheezed. "Please buy some shells."

Deeply touched, the man handed over enough money for all the shells just before her eyes slid peacefully shut.

The next day the man was walking down a neighboring street and saw the woman again vending her wares. "Hey," he yelled to a nearby police officer, "I thought she passed away yesterday."

The officer smiled knowingly. "Ah, but you were conned," he said. "You see, she sells seashells by the seizure."

An anthropology grad student discovered a remote tribe of very tiny people, only 6 inches tall, known as the Putz. Knowing that nobody would believe him otherwise, he decided to capture some of them and bring them home. So he put several of them in a shoe box and brought them back to the US.

When he got the building where he was to meet with his professor, he decided that the Putz needed some fresh air and sun (after being cooped up in a shoe box for several days) so he left them on the steps to bask in the sun. Wouldn't you know, shortly after he went in, there was a fire in the building, and the alarms went off. All the people came stomping out of the building and smashed all the Putz. Moral: Don't bask all your Putz in one exit.