How to Make Miles City More Metropolitan
supporter
Posted by Bob Netherton II (+1904) 9 years ago
Add a bunch of roundabouts.

Now you may add your own suggestions.
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supporter
sponsor
Posted by Frank Hardy (+1606) 9 years ago
Increase the murder rate. I recommend at least one per month.

Invite the Bloods or the Crips to open a local chapter. This will also streamline the local drug market into a much more efficient operation.

Definitely import more prostitutes. This will be critical to attracting law enforcement conventions.

More casinos! The prostitutes need more spots to hang around to attract locals who have an extra $10 or so.

Start calling any housing area by the river "the projects". Any housing area outside of town "the burbs" and anything else "the slums".

FH
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supporter
Posted by Bob L. (+5094) 9 years ago
One word: baklava
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supporter
Posted by Gunnar Emilsson (+17317) 9 years ago
Personally, I think Miles City should strive to become more countypolitan...

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supporter
Posted by Levi Forman (+3712) 9 years ago
I think we should strive to be more Conwaypolitan myself.

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Posted by AshleyDawn (+346) 9 years ago
CH,
I like you more and more all the time.
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supporter
Posted by Dan Mowry (+1437) 9 years ago
A tapas lounge next to a tea room above an Apple store in front of a Starbucks.

Oh, and an indoor pool in the back.
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supporter
Posted by Bob L. (+5094) 9 years ago
+1 Dan


A small plates joint would really class up



[This message has been edited by Bob L. (3/13/2012)]
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Posted by Wendy Branum (+57) 9 years ago
Having the shopping that we used to have would be great. and if any idiot out there wants to put in a ridiculous round-a-bout, i would have to pile some dog poo on their front steps!!!
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moderator
founder
Posted by David Schott (+17044) 9 years ago
The intersection of Main St. and Haynes Ave. is an ideal location for a roundabout.
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supporter
Posted by Richard Bonine, Jr. (+14950) 9 years ago
David...you owe me a new keyboard. [wiping up coffee]
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Posted by Wendy Branum (+57) 9 years ago
I know who you are. I don't know WHY you WOULD want A ROUND-A-BOUT. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let THE ROUND-A-BOUT IDEA go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will PILE DOG POO ON YOUR FRONT STEPS.

LOL... just my little take on Liam Neesons line from Taken.
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supporter
Posted by Dan Mowry (+1437) 9 years ago
+1
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supporter
Posted by Bob Netherton II (+1904) 9 years ago
Roundabouts not only save lives, but are also extremely cosmopolitan.
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supporter
sponsor
Posted by Frank Hardy (+1606) 9 years ago
Wendy Branum-

<clap> <clap>

Well done!

FH
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Posted by Kacey (+3159) 9 years ago
The Shiloh roundabouts in Billings are reflex and foot/eye coordination training! The speed limit is 55...suddenly a roundabout looms...speed limit 15...within 10 feet past the roundabout speed limit is 55...and repeat as necessary!
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Posted by poisonspaghetti (+280) 9 years ago
Lucky Helena has a roundabout stuck out in the middle of nowhere - now that's smart thinkin'...build it and they will come.
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supporter
Posted by Wendy Wilson (+6165) 9 years ago
For a more metropolitan Miles City add:

A drum circle during every Saturday Farmer's Market,

At least 3 homeless people pandering in front of the Bison,

Bike lanes that nobody uses. . .

Oh, and a roundabout.
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Posted by Maryann McDaniel (+249) 9 years ago
Why would you want to make Miles City more metropolitan?
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supporter
Posted by Gunnar Emilsson (+17317) 9 years ago
Ummm.....so its less like Tex-ASS???
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supporter
Posted by Richard Bonine, Jr. (+14950) 9 years ago
Perhaps we should serve more of that ice cream that is vanilla,chocolate, and strawberry. Oh wait... that's neapolitan. Never mind.
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founder
supporter
Posted by Gene Larson (+271) 9 years ago
Gunnar:

This photo looks like a (younger) Tommy Overstreet. Is it? I interviewed Tommy twice when in country radio....once in Seattle and another time in Gallop, New Mexico. If it isn't Tommy, sorry!
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supporter
Posted by Bob Netherton II (+1904) 9 years ago
At least 3 homeless people pandering in front of the Bison.






Check.



We're getting there.
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Posted by AshleyDawn (+346) 9 years ago
Well, I hate to say it...but Frank you were wrong in a word you referenced...Wrong meaning in their meaning.

The words 'burbs' and the 'ghetto' are both slang terminology.
The word 'projects' is actually almost always used in a politically correct manner, even when intended to be used as slang.

Im sorry but you're gonna have to come up with an alternative term to use when referring to the projects. You know, just to make it official metropolitan-ish slang, and to make your whole proposal more streamlined in nature.

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Posted by AshleyDawn (+346) 9 years ago
P.s. Bob, of course you were at the Bison earlier to observe the homeless shenanigans. SMHHH
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Posted by Dan (+463) 9 years ago
Look kids; Big Ben, Parliament!
Can't seem to get left....

Who can name that movie "round a bout" referance
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supporter
Posted by Gunnar Emilsson (+17317) 9 years ago
Why, yes, it is Tommy Overstreet, Gene.

When you think Countrypolitan, you think Tommy Overstreet.
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founder
supporter
Posted by Tucker Bolton (+3677) 9 years ago
European Vacation and Hi Gene.
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Posted by Chuck Schott (+1284) 9 years ago
Maybe a new swim pool, indoor all year around with free use for all.
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supporter
Posted by Amorette F. Allison (+1916) 9 years ago
Hey, Richard. Wilcoxsin's quit making Neopolitan a few years ago.
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founder
supporter
Posted by Tucker Bolton (+3677) 9 years ago
So far, you are not even in the running.

Haynes is just fine and will find it's own way. It will eventually need a Mall, Target, Costco and two more auto dealerships to merger with the downtown dealerships and become "Auto Row". I can hear the radio now, "Terry, Forsyth, Glendive, Drive a little and save a lot and speaking of lots, we've got lots of new and used pickups and cars just right for you. Need a new Buick Lucerne or LaCrosse? We got em'. How bout a Ford F-950, Super Duty, SUV cab, long bed for hauling those groceries back to the ranch. What color do you want? We got em'. We'll even buy your gas. Drive, push, pull or drag your trade in we'll give you top dollar. All credit applications accepted."

Here is the prescription for the rest of MC. Start with several huge buses, belching diesel smoke 24-7, turn Main one way from Haynes to Riverside Park from 5AM til 3PM while the light rail is being constructed in the "closed for construction" lane. As business starts to suffer downtown, some will close, there will be mysterious fires and the stores with insurance will find their way to shiny places on Haynes. Don't worry about the bars. They will be fine. Don't worry about the churches. They will be filled with people praying for the people in the bars and bemoaning the changes that evil has wrought through change.

Main street will be transformed. There will now be room for a new casino or two and the pawnshop will open a second store in the old Montana theater site after it is purchased by United artists and moved to the new multi-plex on Haynes. Everyone did well on this change as the new "Church on Main", next to the Saint Vincent de Paul, got the old theater seats at a bargain. What a sight to see the stern faced women, with their hair piled in buns, walking past the transients on there way to and from the new park and ride at Riverside Park. Of course the name will be changed to "Central Metro Park" as Riverside Park Park just sounded silly.

The drum circle and cush exchange will move to the pumping plant, behind the art center. This was needed as the trees were removed in Riverside park for the necessary paving, lighting and new landscape.

There will be plenty of parking between Bridge Street and Main as no one could stay in business on the side streets, during the construction. Pedestrian traffic will increase as the new grow store, selling hydroponics and lights moves in from Bozeman. It is of course located next door to the dispensary that also has an on site diagnostition/caregiver, qualified to prescribe for anything from glaucoma, sleep deprivation to a very painful, ingrowing eyelash.

Thank God, someone will finally have enough foresight to realize that business breeds business and a restaurant row will appear on Main Street. A whole new world of tastes and experiences will open up for those willing to forego steak and taters, for a change. Many will be delighted at the opportunity, those that are not will still go to the new Perkins that is at the old 4-B's or the new Denny's where Gallagher's used to be.

The tattoo parlor and adult book store will be allowed in the new industrial park on the other side of the Tongue River.

The quality and color of graffiti will improve as younger people find more abandoned buildings to practice on as Valley drive shrivels and more piercings be seen around town to go with the new tattoos.

There will be more homeless and more affluence, as always, a small percent on the affluence side of things. Life will end for some and go on for others. I really don't see ethnicity changing much. Some will be happy, some sad, some angry and some glad.

I suspect the world will continue to spin until we are......all........gone. On the other hand, it (the planet) could reverse directions and we could have something interesting to talk about. Oh Duh! we can always talk about each other. What was I thinking? Damn it! there I go thinking again. I've gotta' stop that.
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Posted by ABE (+420) 9 years ago
We need a monorail.
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supporter
Posted by Gunnar Emilsson (+17317) 9 years ago
JB's Monorail?



That would certainly make mc more metropolitan.
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Posted by ABE (+420) 9 years ago
More like this...



Shelbyville= Glendive



I miss Phill Hartman.

[This message has been edited by ABE (3/15/2012)]
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supporter
Posted by Big Dave (+433) 9 years ago
I am thinking more "Cosmo"politan

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founder
supporter
Posted by Tucker Bolton (+3677) 9 years ago
This is the easy way to become at least cosmopolitan.

Fill a cocktail shaker with ice and let sit for 1-5 minutes to chill the shaker.
Fill a martini glass with ice to chill the glass as well.
Pour in Miles City, vodka, triple sec, cranberry juice and lime juice into a cocktail shaker.
Shake well.
Empty ½ of the ice out of the cocktail shaker and strain out any water.
Empty the ice out of the martini glass.
(optional) dip rim of glass into sugar to evenly coat the rim of the martini glass. Miles City option, rub rim on an overcooked steak.
Strain cocktail into a martini glass.
(optional) Garnish with lime wedge, lime rind curl or orange rind curl. If opting for the Miles City Cosmo use a potato wedge.
Serve immediately.

For a more urbane city You could go for Manhattan.

In a large cocktail shaker, stir Miles City, 2 ounces whiskey, 1 ounce Martini Sweet Vermouth and 2 dashes of Angostura bitters with ice and strain into a chilled coupe. Garnish with a cherry or, according to the Bison Bar: substitute the *"Three brandied cherries on a pick for a pickled egg." [Obviously you can double, triple or quadruple the amounts if you're making this cocktail for a crowd. Because it's stirred, you really can't overcrowd your shaker.

*Any thing that resembles a cherry on a stick will result in an un-cosmopolitan display involving dust and blood.
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