A Cow-based Economics Lesson
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Posted by Gunnar Emilsson (+14317) 8 years ago
SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you
want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.
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supporter
Posted by Richard Bonine, Jr. (+14231) 8 years ago
The only cow in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow just across the state line in Illinois for $200.

They brought the cow from Illinois and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow to produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.

They bought the bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do.

They told the Vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An attempt from the side, she walks away to the other side."

The Vet thought about this for a minute and asked,
"Did you by chance, buy this cow in Illinois?"

The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned where they bought the cow. "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow in Illinois?"

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from Illinois."
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Posted by M T Zook (+510) 8 years ago
Best one yet, Richard. Thanks for the laugh.
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Posted by Richard Bonine, Jr. (+14231) 8 years ago
My milk cow sneezed so very hard this morning that I swore at it. There was so much moo cuss.

[This message has been edited by Richard Bonine, Jr. (12/1/2011)]
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Posted by M T Zook (+510) 8 years ago
You should have quit while you were ahead.
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Posted by Cory Cutting (+1279) 8 years ago
Damn Richard that first one was funny!

The second one, Zook was right....

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Posted by Bill Zook (+492) 8 years ago
I had heard the first one but the second caught me. Had to laugh.
Gunnar: the econ lesson is very interesting, allowing for stereotypical thinking. Clever.
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Posted by Richard Bonine, Jr. (+14231) 8 years ago
A man staggers into the emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, and a five iron wrapped around his neck. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.

"Well, it was like this" said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around I noticed that one of the cows had something white in it's rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. Thats when I made my mistake."

"What did you do?", asked the doctor.

"Well, I lifted the tail, pointed, and yelled to my wife, "Hey! This looks like yours!"
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Posted by Richard Bonine, Jr. (+14231) 8 years ago
The farmer had been taken so many times by the local car dealer that when the dealer wanted to buy a cow, the farmer priced it to him like this:

Basic cow, $200; two-tone exterior, $45; extra stomach $75; product storage compartment, $60; dispensing device, four spigots at $10 each, $40; genuine cowhide upholstery, $125; dual horns, $15; automatic fly swatter, $35. Total = $595.
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Posted by Richard Bonine, Jr. (+14231) 8 years ago
Q: What goes oo ooo oooo?
A: A cow with no lips.

Q: What newspaper do cows read?
A: The Daily Moos.

Q: What is it when one cow spies on another cow?
A: A steak out.
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Posted by Barb Holcomb (+401) 8 years ago
Richard

Charlois you jest. You really need to put these udderly ridiculous jokes out to pasture and find something more productive to do.

the original "bossy cow"


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Posted by Richard Bonine, Jr. (+14231) 8 years ago
A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow''s ear. The farmer didn't' think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one ear and out the udder.
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Posted by Gail (+41) 8 years ago
Where do you come up with these jokes? My husband thinks I'm nuts when I just start laughing reading your jokes. They are so innocently funny!
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Posted by howdy (+4950) 8 years ago
lol they are great, I think...keep it up Richard...:-)
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Posted by Richard Bonine, Jr. (+14231) 8 years ago
Sure fire signs that your cow has mad-cow disease...

Your cow insists on wearing a little A-1 sauce behind each ear as cologne.

She refuses to let you milk her, saying "Not on the first date."

Your cow takes up painting and cuts off one of its ears.

Your cow gets a silicon implant for her udder.

Your cow appears on Oprah, claiming to be a horse trapped in a cow's body.

Your cow demands to be branded with the 'Golden Archs Logo'.

Your cow insists that all Hindus are sacred.

Your cow insists evaporated milk comes from thirsty cows.

Your cow quits the family dairy business and applies for a job at Burger King.

She starts giving you Milk of Amnesia.

Your cow joins the Hell's Angels because, hey, it already has a cool leather jacket.

Your cow starts smoking its grass rather than eating it.

Your cow spends half the day sitting in the Lotus Position chanting "MOO" backwards.

Your cow insists that it can give you chocolate milk if you started feeding it Hershey bars.

Your cow asks you to brand it again but only if you'll wear something sexy this time.

Your cow purposely blinds itself with a dart and yells "Bullseye"!

Your cow becomes a Muslim and asks to be called "LaCream Abdul Milkbar".

Your cow insists Milk Duds are the result of stupid cows.

Your cow starts laughing hysterically until milk spurts out its nose.

You find your cow hiding secret plans to burn down half of Chicago.

Your cow keeps wanting to chew other cows cuds.

Your cow believes it could really jump over the moon like in the nursery rhyme if it had a really good run at it.
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Posted by Richard Bonine, Jr. (+14231) 8 years ago
Bart was receiving cattle, and the night before delivery, he drove to the small town and got a motel room so he could be at the pens early the next morning. After dinner, he found himself in the motel lounge where a man was shooting pool by himself. Now, Bart had spent several decades honing his bar room pool-shooting skills and not one to squander an opportunity, he slithered over and asked the man if he would like some competition. The man agreed and they played two games, each winning a game.
Bart said, "Looks like we're about evenly matched. Would you like to make it interesting? Say the best 2 out of 3 for $50.00."

The man agreed and when Bart let him have the break, the man missed on his third shot. As Bart deftly chalked his cue stick, he surveyed the table. He then ran the table, broke on the second game, and ran the table again.

As Bart was pocketing the $50, he asked, "What do you do around here?"

The man replied he was the priest at the local Catholic church.

Even Bart was flustered by the answer and he mumbled a half-hearted offer to return his winnings.

The priest said, "No -- You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings. But if you're not feeling good about yourself, you could come to church on Sunday and make a donation. And, if you want to bring your mother and father along, I'll marry them."
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Posted by Richard Bonine, Jr. (+14231) 8 years ago
Sam, a business man was driving home after long sales trip and saw a hitchhiker with a cow. Sam finally stopped and the hitchhiker approached the window and said, "Will you give me a ride to Denver Sir?"

Sam was amazed and said, "I do not mind, but you will have to leave your cow here."

"No Sir," the hitchhiker said. "I will just tie her to the back of the car, and I promise you sir, she will not slow you down. I Promise."

The business man was reluctant, but he was dying for company, so he agreed. The hitchhiker was elated and tied the cow to the back bumper.

They started out and Sam took the car up to 10 miles per hour, he looked in the mirror and the cow seemed to be trotting along. 20 mph, 30 mph, 40 mph, did not phase the cow. The hitchhiker looked over to Sam and assured him that the cow would be fine, not to worry.

Sam took the car up to 55 mph and still the cow was looking very comfortable. Now Sam was getting a little frustrated by this cow who could keep up with his car. Sam watched the speedometer go to 65, 75 and finally 90 mph.Sam looked back and FINALLY the cow seemed tired, "I got you, you son of ........" "What is the matter?" the hitchhiker asked.

"Your cow seems tired, her tongue is sticking out," the business man said.It's sticking out on the left, or the right?" the hitchhiker asked. "The left side," Sam said with a smile. "Well," the hitchhiker said, "You better pull over, she is trying to pass you."
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Posted by Richard Bonine, Jr. (+14231) 8 years ago
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Posted by Gunnar Emilsson (+14317) 8 years ago
To all the readers of the Miles City dot com discussion forums, I sincerely apologize for starting this thread.
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Posted by JCF (+388) 8 years ago
Richard, what do you call a cow with no legs?





Ground Beef.
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Posted by Richard Bonine, Jr. (+14231) 8 years ago
Did you hear that NASA recently launched a bunch of Holsteins into low Earth orbit?


They called it the Herd Shot 'Round The World!

To all the readers of the Miles City dot com discussion forums, I sincerely apologize for starting this thread.


The apology is very moooooooooving.

[This message has been edited by Richard Bonine, Jr. (12/6/2011)]
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Posted by Richard Bonine, Jr. (+14231) 8 years ago
Have you heard about the five young bulls who were standing in the
pasture discussing what they wanted to be when they grew up?


The first said he wanted to go to Rome and become a papal bull.

The second said he wanted to go to New York and become a bull on Wall Street.

The third wanted to go to the windy city to become a Chicago Bull.

The fourth said he wanted to go to Beijing and be a bull in a China shop.

The fifth said he was just going to stay in the pasture for heifer
and heifer and heifer.
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Posted by Wendy Wilson (+6172) 8 years ago
Damn your eyes, Gunnar Emilsson. Damn . . . your . . . eyes.
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Posted by Richard Bonine, Jr. (+14231) 8 years ago
Wendy: Cow puns are some of the most a-moo-sing puns around!

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Posted by Richard Bonine, Jr. (+14231) 8 years ago
Damn your eyes, Gunnar Emilsson. Damn . . . your . . . eyes.





The End.





maybe
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Posted by Richard Bonine, Jr. (+14231) 8 years ago
A cattle buyer came home late in the afternoon. He sat down in his favorite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick, bring me a beer before it starts." Looking puzzled, she brought him the beer.
When he finished it, he said, "Quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start."

This time she looked a little angry, but decided to bring him the beer anyway.

When the second beer was gone, he said, "Quick, one more before it starts."

"That's it!" she exploded. "You're gone for days on end and I don't hear from you. You spend most of your time drinking coffee with your cronies or drinking beer with low-bred women and then you waltz in here, flop down, don't even say hello to me, and expect me to run around like your slave."

The cattle buyer muttered, "Damn it... I knew it was going to start."
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