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Posted by Richard Bonine, Jr. (+15082) 10 years ago
A one-dollar bill met a twenty-dollar bill and said, "Hey, where have you been? I haven't seen you around here much."

The twenty answered, "I've been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to the United States for a while, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff. How about you?"



The one dollar bill said, "You know, same old stuff - church, church, church."
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Posted by Gunnar Emilsson (+17731) 10 years ago
WHY I'M DEPRESSED!

Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel, "Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land."

Nearly 75 years ago, (when welfare was introduced) Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land."

Today, Congress has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of Camels and mortgaged the Promised Land!

I was so depressed last night thinking about Health Care Plans, the economy, the wars, lost jobs, savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc . .. . I called a Suicide Hotline.

I had to press 1 for English.

I was connected to a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck......
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Posted by Richard Bonine, Jr. (+15082) 10 years ago
God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, and I've put life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place to test Balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, "I'm still confused."

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over here I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things."

God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel , impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, "What's that one?"

"That's Montana, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills and plains. The people from Montana are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace, and producers of good things."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, "But what about balance, God? You said there would be balance."



God smiled, "I will create Washington, DC .. Wait till you see the idiots I put there!"
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Posted by Chris Gamrath (+380) 10 years ago
haha I figured the punchline to this one was going to be... "I put it next to North Dakota!"
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Posted by Gale (+167) 10 years ago
this made me laugh out loud but tragically it is such the truth. I am greatly concerned of where our country is headed. I have seven grand children and I fear that the challenges in their lives will be far greater than any generation before them unless we as citizens of the United States become proactive and begin reining in our government. My mom who just recently passed away at 90 and who served in WW2 said that she had never in her life time witnessed so much upset and disconnect,distrust and moral breakdown in our country as there is now.Her brother of 95 who also saw his fair share of battle agrees.
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Posted by Steve Craddock (+2738) 10 years ago
Great jokes, Richard - both great examples of the old adage "We laugh not to cry."

And Gale's comments express exactly why we should be crying - but just for a minute or two. Then we need to stand up, dust ourselves off, and get busy fixin' this great nation of ours!
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