Update on the Rapture
Posted by poisonspaghetti (+287) 11 years ago
Your attention please...the Rapture, previously scheduled for May 12th, has been rescheduled for October 12. Don't bother to repent in the interim as judgment has already taken place. We are merely waiting for the fireball that will consume the Earth. Rev. Camping apologizes for any inconvenience this mix-up may have caused. That is all.
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Posted by Steve Craddock (+2738) 11 years ago
Hey, give the poor guy a break. He forgot to carry the 1. Big deal. It could happen to anyone, ya know?
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Posted by Michael LaFayette (+72) 11 years ago
haha maybe he should go back to school, he was wrong in '94 due to mathimatical error lol..
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Posted by howdy (+4950) 10 years ago
the rapture is coming again October 12, I believe, was that dudes prediction so get ready everyone.....
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Posted by Grim Reaper (+78) 10 years ago
God is for pretends.
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Posted by Big Dave (+441) 10 years ago
Well, if it means never having to watch this video again...



On a side note, I wonder if the goat's career took off after starring in this video.
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Posted by cj sampsel (+486) 10 years ago
I would like the rapture to happen just so I can see the faces of all
the people that thought they were among the chosen.
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Posted by Tom Masa (+2103) 10 years ago
I guess by your statement that you don't expect to be among "the chosen".
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Posted by Buck Showalter (+4455) 10 years ago
Who would want to be?
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Posted by howdy (+4950) 10 years ago
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Posted by Jeri Dalbec (+3267) 10 years ago
Someone sent this to me. Very tragic!


Missouri Woman Killed in Mistaken Rapture

COLUMBIA MO (EAP) -- A St. Charles woman was killed yesterday after leaping through her moving car's sunroof during an incident best described as a "mistaken rapture" by dozens of eye-witnesses. Thirteen other people were injured after a 20 car pile-up resulted from people trying to avoid hitting the woman, who was apparently convinced the rapture was occurring when she saw 12 people floating up into the air, and then passed a man on the side of the road who she believed was Jesus. "She started screaming `He's back! He's back!' and climbed out through the sunroof and jumped off the roof of the car," said Everet Williams, husband of 28-year-old Georgann Williams who was pronounced dead at the scene. "I was slowing down but she wouldn't wait till I stopped," Williams said. "She thought the rapture was happening and was convinced that Jesus was gonna lift her up into the sky," he went on to say. "This is the strangest thing I've seen since I've been on the force," said Paul Madison, first officer on the scene Madison questioned the man who looked like Jesus and discovered that he was on his way to a toga costume party, when the tarp covering the bed of his pickup truck came loose and released 12 blow-up sex dolls filled with helium, which then floated up into the sky.

Ernie Jenkins, 32, of Cape Girardeau, who's been told by several of his friends that he looks like Jesus, pulled over and lifted his arms into the air in frustration and said "Come back," just as the Williams' car passed him, and Mrs. Williams was sure that it was Jesus lifting people up into heaven as they drove by him. "I think my wife loved Jesus more than she loved me," the widower said when asked why his wife would do such a thing.
When asked for comments about the 12 dolls, Jenkins replied, "This is all just too weird for me. I never expected anything like this to happen."
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Posted by Jeri Dalbec (+3267) 10 years ago
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Posted by Jeff Denton (+758) 10 years ago
Those of us in the balloon business are pretty certain that a sex doll couldn't contain enough helium to float. Pretty funny story, though.
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Posted by Cheryl Pieters (+481) 10 years ago
The Rapture Always Rings Twice: Apocalypse Only 9 Days Away!


Harold Camping (AP)

We've all become so enraptured with Occupy Wall Street and Beyonce's baby bump conspiracy that we've lost track of the most important non-news story of the year: our impending doom! But fresh off a stroke, debunked doomsday prognosticator Harold Camping is back to remind us that Judgment Day 2011: I Know What You Raptured Last Spring is only nine days away on October 21st. Since there are no billboards or Rapture mobiles to guide us this time, let's get all the lowdown straight from the Rapturologist's mouth.

First off, you might be wondering: why didn't all the heathens burst into flames on May 21, the original date of the Rapture which Camping had predicted (based on a nonsensical mathematical interpretation of the Bible)? Why, even Camping was "flabbergasted" when true believes (ie, people who donated hefty funds to Camping's cause) weren't airlifted to heaven. But there's a reason for all those mistaken predictions: God prefers to be cryptic before he annihilates humanity.

What really happened this past May 21st? What really happened is that God accomplished exactly what He wanted to happen. That was to warn the whole world that on May 21 God's salvation program would be finished on that day. For the next five months, except for the elect (the true believers), the whole world is under God's final judgment. To accomplish this goal God withheld from the true believers the way in which two phrases were to be understood. Had He not done so, the world would never have been shaken in fear as it was.
Oh, and let's not forget: God is kind of winging this whole thing as he goes along. He's still developing the details for us! Kind of like how Camping keeps developing new, bold ways to try to sucker in sad, lonely people until they leave him all their savings:

I do believe that we're getting very near the very end. We [could not] have known. we've learned that there's a lot of things that we didn't have quite right and that's God's good provision. If he had not kept us from knowing everything that we didn't know, we would not have been able to be used of Him to bring about the tremendous event that occurred on May 21 of this year, and which probably will be finished out on October 21, that's coming very shortly. That looks like it will be at this point, it looks like it will be the final end of everything. It also looks like that as God is developing the details for us we are learning from the Bible, God's details of the end.
But here's some good news for all you sinners out there-meaning anyone reading Gothamist: there won't be any pain when we all cease to exist, only the sweet, cold embrace of bullpoop.

We must believe that probably there will be no pain suffered by anyone because of their rebellion against God. This is very comforting to all of us, because we all have children, and have loved ones that are dear to us that we know are not saved; and yet we know that they'll quietly die. We can be more and more sure that they will quietly die and that will be the end of their story...I really am beginning to think as I restudied these matters that there's going to be no big display of any kind. The end is going to come very, very quietly probably within the next month. It will happen, that is, by October 21.
So there's absolutely, positively no way that doomsday won't happen this time. And even if, somehow, the Rapture passed us over again-like the kid with lice in a game of duck-duck-goose-there's always the even-more terrifying specter of a Facebook Rapture right around the corner.

http://gothamist.com/2011...ce_jud.php
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Posted by Big Dave (+441) 10 years ago
Yup, it's all starting to make sense now. The believers will get to find out the truth about Beyonce and the rest of us will have to spend eternity wondering.

Are the paparrazzi one of the seven signs of the apocalypse?
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