Mary had a little lamb,
But she wasn't really sure;
Was she quite full enough,
or should she have some more.
Mary had a little lamb,
With carrots and with peas.
A little mint sauce on the top,
And stuffing in its knees.
Mary had a little lamb,
It's fleece was black as soot;
And every where that Mary went,
It's sooty foot it put.
Mary had a little lamb,
Her wool was black as night;
During nuclear holocaust,
It soon turned into white.
Mary had a little lamb,
So take a tip from me:
If it has fleas as white as snow,
Then use some DDT.
Mary had a little lamb,
She didn't know what for;
So she stuck it on a handle,
And used it to mop the floor.
Mary had a little lamb,
She tied it to a pylon;
2,000 volts went up it's tail,
and turned the wool to nylon.
Mary had a little lamb,
It made a horrid mess;
And when her mum came into clean,
She could not even guess.
Mary had a little lamb,
She thought it awfully quaint;
She didn't like the color much,
So she covered it with paint.
Mary had a little lamb,
It was always in a hurry;
It slipped while crossing over the road,
And ended up as curry.
Mary had a little lamb,
It was short and squat;
Despite its ugliness and smell
She liked it quite a lot.
Mary had a new born lamb,
It's eyes were still closed;
Mary cuddled and nursed the creature;
So it could later be exposed.
Mary had a greedy lamb,
It 'ate' and 'ate' all day;
And when she tried to up and leave,
It tried to make her stay!
Mary had a head-ache,
And the lamb was feeling sad;
So it waited 'til she'd gone to sleep -
It said she wasn't bad.
Mary tried to train her lamb,
Rewarding it with hay;
She taught it lots of clever things,
But what I cannot say!
Mary had a little lamb,
She put it on all fours;
She was looking for the buttons,
But all she found was pause.
Mary had a little lamb
And now I've had enough
Of this stupid girl called Mary
And her wooly bit of fluff.
Mary had a little lamb,
Her fleece was white snow;
Quite how this is original,
I really do not know.
Timmy had a little lamb,
He thought that he was Mary;
But as he was in the wrong rhyme,
He thought it quite contrary.
Mary had a little lamb,
So cute it was untrue;
And so all the other ugly lambs,
Stuck it down with glue.
Mary had some time to spare,
And wrote a little poem;
She based it on a lamb she`d seen,
But didn't even know him.....
Mary's poem did the rounds,
Achieving world-wide fame;
The problem with it now is that,
It just seems rather lame.
*****************
* The Epilogue *
*****************
Mary had a little lamb,
That gets me every time;
I can never work out what to say,
Or how to make it rhyme.
Mary had a little lamb,
Well what a bloody fuss;
Its not as if we really care,
So why the hell tell us.
Mary had a little lamb,
This rhyme is getting boring;
With all these crap variations,
Someone stop me snoring.