Streets of Pizza
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Posted by Bob L. (+5100) 16 years ago
Sorry for the cut & paste, I thought this was cool though.
From citypages.com, Streets of Pizza blog.



Flipper Boy vs The Rich White Guys

So I'm delivering a fairly big order over to some guys over in Swankville.

I arrive at the giant house, ring the bell and an older gentleman, maybe 65, answers the door. He has me come in and place the pies on his dining room table. There's six or seven other men in the living room around what appears to be a small craps table. All of the guys appear to be between 55 and 70 years old. They are white, they are rich and they know it. They look as if they just stepped out of the AARP version of the J Crew catalog.

I tell them that they owe me $52.50 (please) and they start getting
their money in order. One guy writes a check, one guy asks another
if he can borrow some money, while everybody else starts digging
through their wallets.

A couple of them chat me up.
They're totally patronizing.
They look at me in my battered winter coat and stocking cap as if
I were the retarded kid in gymclass.
I feel uncomfortable and dirty.
I wait.

For a bunch of seemingly well-educated fellas, they are unable to get their math right and the ringleader keeps telling them to pony up more cash. This is a good sign, for the more money they throw in the pot, I feel my tip growing.

Still, I wait.

The house is enormous with a living room twice as big as my
entire apartment. The place is incredibly clean and pristine
with tasteful artwork on the walls and freshly polished hardwood floors. In short, the place feels like a museum.

Finally, the ringleader hands me a stack of bills and informs me that "there's a little extra for you" with a slight laugh. The laugh seems almost a little sarcastic, but I thank them profusely and leave.

I'm sure they gave a good tip.

I jog back to the Pizzacar with fistful of cash and dollar
signs dancing in my head.

Then I start to count out the money.

They had given me exactly fifty-five dollars.
A two dollar and fifty cent tip.
That's less than 5 percent.
I look up at the guy's million dollar home and see the silhouette
of one of the men in the window.
I start the car, but hesitate a moment.
I start thinking.
I bet all of those guys have health insurance.
I bet none have had to explain to their landlord why their
rent won't be on time.
I bet they never write a check and have to pray that they make
enough money and get it in the bank before the check clears.
I bet they never have to endure a toothache due to lack of a dental plan.
F***'em.

I drive back to the shop listening to Mischke,
Undertaker Fred is singing "Down By The Old Mill Stream".

Upon arrival, I see one of the other drivers leaving with an order.
"Good news" he says "You get to visit Flipper Boy"
"Who's Flipper Boy?" I ask.
"You're about to find out" he says with a laugh "Don't worry,
he tips good".

I walk into the shop and look at the order.
It's the address of an assisted-living apartment complex.
Usually, assisted living apartments are the pits, inhabited
by people on a fixed income (a very low fixed income that is)
and not exactly happy that they're living there in the first place.
These people usually tip poorly if ever and I can't really
blame them. However, the one good thing about these places
is the fact that they usually have a chair or a bench in the elevators, perfect for a weary Pizzaman to rest on his way to a delivery.

I grab the order, a large single pie, and head out.

I arrive at the complex and am promptly buzzed up by this
"Flipper Boy". I sit on the little bench in the elevator and
stare at the wall during my 4-floor vertical trip.
Finally the doors open, I grab the pizza and start down
the hallway. I spot the apartment. I can see that the door
is already open, a good sign for this means the customer
is ready for me. A quick transaction, I hope. When I get
to the door I'm greeted by a man, maybe in his mid-twenties,
wearing a tie-dyed shirt and jeans. He's about six-feet tall,
blind (no glasses) and his arms are seriously underdeveloped,
just little flipper-like appendages below where the elbow
should be. In his one-inch nubs that he has for fingers, he holds
a couple bills. I try not to stare for a second, but then
figure he's blind, so I relax.

I mean, s***, he can't see anything.

"Hi! The Pizzaman?" he says in a very cheery voice.
"Yup" I reply, "That'll be $19.25"
"Well, here's the money! Just put that pizza right here".
I take the money and place the pie in his little flipper arms.
"Oh, that smells good. This is going to be great!
Keep the change!" he says.
I look at the bills he handed to me. A twenty and a five, a $5.75 tip.
"Hey man, thanks a lot. I really appreciate it" I say.
"You're welcome"
"OK, thanks. Bye"
I start to leave.

"Hey! Hold on!" he says.
I stop and back up to his door.
"Could you do me a favor?" he asks.
"Sure"
"Could you tell me what my shirt says? I can't really read
it myself you know" he says with a smile and a slight chuckle
"My girlfriend sent it to me and I don't know what it says,
what it looks like".
"Actually, it doesn't say anything, it's tie-dye"
"Does it look good?"
"Yeah, it does. Whoever made it did a good job"
"Super! I'm glad I look good. Great! OK, that's all
I needed. Thank you"
"You're welcome" I say and start down the hall.

I get to the elevator and take my seat for the ride down.
As I stare at the elevator wall, I start thinking about
Flipper Boy. How he must lead this extremely dark and limited life.
How he must not have that much money to spare.
How he tipped me twice as much as the Rich White Guys, even
though any one of those dudes must make more money in
interest than Flipper Boy makes in a year.
How he was pretty damn happy and treated me with so
much kindness. How the Rich Whitey's looked down on me
and treated me poorly. I thought about the cards we're dealt
in this crapshoot we call life and how much more fortunate
some are and how unfortunate others are(or perhaps, vice versa).
I suddenly felt quite lucky. And lucky that I came across
the Flipper Boy. I felt like calling the Rich White Guys
and telling them about the Flipper Boy.

Then, as the elevator doors opened, those thoughts suddenly
vanished and I could only think of one thing: Flipper Boy has a girlfriend and I don't? Damn, I must be doing something wrong.

... or Flipper Boy must be doing something very, very right.
Indeed.
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Posted by Heath H (+646) 16 years ago
Yes, yes, yes. Death to Whitie. All rich white guys are crappy tippers, no doubt. That litle SA is a pitiful, sophomoric pile of crap.
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Posted by Bruce Helland (+592) 16 years ago
Heath, it's a shame that you can't see the truth in that essay. It never ceases to amaze me how the "rich" and "powerful" only seem to care about how much more they can get. True class doesn't come from the size of the wallet. Yes, I have known some very wealthy and powerful people that have been extremly genuine in their kindness and generosity. Maybe they have learned: "But for the Grace of God, go I." Class and kindness are learned, not bought.
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supporter
Posted by Buck Showalter (+4454) 16 years ago
I'm sure Heath has to argue on behalf of rich, white guys because he's such a rich, white guy himself. Or wait, probably not. It never ceases to amaze me when the good, welfare recipeients of Miles City find it necessary to come to the aid of those weak, powerful rich people.

I'm sure there is more than one oxymoron in that statement and in this town.
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Posted by Heath H (+646) 16 years ago
This little story is so ridiculous that it couldn't possibly be nonfiction.

I am white, yes. What is rich? I am powerful, empowered by my sense of PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY and the CHOICES that I make. If Pizzaboy doesn't like delivering pizza for tips, he should GET ANOTHER JOB. If he doesn't have the education to get a better job (one with benefits like health insurance -and dental insurance), then he should GET A BETTER EDUCATION. If he is too stupid to educate, he should accept his lot in life and DEAL WITH IT.

Instead, he lives with hate in his heart. Hate for a group of old rich white guys who could very well have scraped, scratched, busted their asses and EARNED through sacrifice for what they accumulated in life. Let Pizzaboy have a turn WORKING for and EARNING what he wants and needs. The world owes him NOTHING.

Hell, didn't he get $2.50 from the white guys? Would he have hated the rich white guys if they had tipped him what Flipperboy did? (less than $6) Would he still be complaining? Does the extra $2.75 buy Pizzaboy health insurance or a visit to the dentist, or more than 1 gallon of gas? It's a load of crap, as I said before. Because the rich white guys have more, they should GIVE Pizzaboy more. If they don't, Pizzaboy is resentful because Pizzaboy needs THEIR money. Right.

Another thing, the rich white guys were gathered around a craps table (small) and couldn't scratch together $52.50 for pizza without one of them borrowing from another and one writing a check? Who in the world would shoot craps without two fistfulls of C-notes like the rest of us rich white guys?!






[This message has been edited by Heath H (edited 3/23/2006).]
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supporter
Posted by Bob L. (+5100) 16 years ago
Gosh. Didn't mean to start a flame war.

What I took from the tale: one can tell a lot about someone by how they treat people they aren't required to be nice to.

That is all.
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Posted by Heath H (+646) 16 years ago
AND Bruce, it's a shame YOU can't see the entitlement mentality portrayed in that essay. Rich and powerful does not equal greedy, unkind, and stingy.
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supporter
Posted by Buck Showalter (+4454) 16 years ago
Did your rich, white friends tell you that?
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Posted by Heath H (+646) 16 years ago
Thank you, Buck, for that inquiry.

No.
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founder
supporter
Posted by Tucker Bolton (+3708) 16 years ago
Bob,

Thanks for mentioning the name of the site. I have it bookmarked. I really enjoyed "Streets of Pizza" and the newest posting is hysterical. A true urban tale.
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supporter
Posted by Bob L. (+5100) 16 years ago
"His eyes were like two P***holes in the snow."

Nice. Hadn't heard that one in a while.

Hopefully the Pizzaman will start updating his site more regularly...
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supporter
Posted by Van (+563) 16 years ago
Pizza delivers boys in Bozeman are now making $12.50 an hour. Plus tips. Fastfood people are starting out at $10.00.
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supporter
Posted by Gunnar Emilsson (+17660) 16 years ago
SECRET MESSAGE TO HEATH THAT NO ONE ELSE CAN SEE ON MILES CITY.COM: (Since Buck watches "American Idol", it is obvious that he is "confused" on several important issues; therefore, I would advise you, as a friend and a confidante, to lay off.)
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Posted by Morhead (+115) 16 years ago
Gunnar

AMERICAN IDOL AMERICAN IDOL AMERICAN IDOL, OH YA AMERICAN IDOL, by the way it is Chicken Little
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supporter
Posted by Buck Showalter (+4454) 16 years ago
Wow Gunnar, hopping in bed with your enemies now? Go figure. You must have had one too many liters of sludge this evening.

Who do you pick for Soviet Idol?
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Posted by Bruce Helland (+592) 16 years ago
The "entitlement mentality" I see most often is people who have had success financially and feel compelled to act as if we should all bow down to them because they are so "special". It's sad that some people suck up to these people and thereby further encourage their behavior.
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Posted by Heath H (+646) 16 years ago
Well put, Bruce. Thank you for your useful insight.
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supporter
Posted by Gunnar Emilsson (+17660) 16 years ago
I don't have any enemies here at milescity.com, Buck. We are all one big happy family.
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You don't know me, but you don't like me
You say you care less how I feel
But how many of you that sit and judge me
Have ever walked the streets of Bakersfield?
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supporter
Posted by Van (+563) 16 years ago
I have Gunnar... Just wishing I was stoned.
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supporter
Posted by Buck Showalter (+4454) 16 years ago
I don't really hold anything against you. It's actually pretty painful to side with Rick or a Bonine, but I am now trapped in a situation probably not unlike Bakersfield. Dealing with all the left-wingers here is like dealing with all the right-wingers in MC.

I've come to realize that middle ground doesn't really exist, so I tend to enflame most everyone. I felt like taking offense to your American Idol comments because it is enjoyable to compare liberals to commies and conservatives to big, white lunatics (well, actually they are more like commies - sorry Rick - I just have to throw that in) even though we are all actually big, white lunatics. *On a side note, socialist isn't provocative enough a term - have to use commie

At any rate, I was offended and decided to throw up a "red" comment for the heck of it, but I would like you to note the tasteful placement of metric system sympathy. Also, dark beer tastes like coffee and Hank Hill doesn't approve, so I'm with him. You've got to appreciate that man's principals.
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