Posted by Richard Bonine, Jr (+14969) 11 years ago
Saint Nicholas was one fellow who recognized the true talents of the
raries and thus one year undertook the task of training a number of
them as seasonal workers at his North Pole workshop. Probably few
folks realize that the elves are specialists at making toys but many
extra hands are still needed to wrap and load the millions of packages
into the sleigh on Christmas eve. The raries were cute, worked cheap
and if they became a nuisance, well, they could easily be pushed off a
cliff. Being somewhat diminutive like an elf, the raries were also
able to negotiate the small working quarters and handle the same small
tools, so raries and elves seemed a good fit. To more quickly
distinguish these raries from the actual elves, St. Nick decided to
outfit each of the creatures with a lightweight pull-over cotton
undershirt that featured a colorful image of his own jolly old face.

The raries and the elves seemed to work well together and all was
fairly harmonious until the big Christmas eve rush. Things were
getting quite hectic and some of the elves grew impatient with the
clumsy raries who, unfamiliar with the procedures were botching many
things up and slowing down the process in the way that only a seasonal
worker can do. You know the type! One particular rarie was especially
inept in his tasks and was constantly being corrected and berated by
the head elf. It almost seemed as if the elf was deliberately trying
to tick a rarie off. As the final frantic hour arrived and the frenzy
of activities rapidly built to a crescendo, this one beleaguered
little rarie could take the elf's harassment and criticism no more.

Nobody actually saw the moment when it happened but the sullen little
rarie must have just suddenly snapped. In a fit of rage and fury he
pounced on the belligerent little elf and savagely beat him to a pulp.
By the time the other elves managed to pull the creature off the top
of his tormentor and subdue him, his cute little Kris Kringle shirt
had become splattered with the green blood of the battered elf who had
provoked him so. Naturally the entire North Pole was abuzz with the
news of this outrageous event and it really did put quite a damper on
the remainder of the season's celebrations. In an atmosphere of shame
and distrust, the rest of the raries were relocated to California to
work as fruit and vegetable pickers. Of course they were forced to
leave behind the single offending rarie who had gone berserk. He was
jailed, accused of aggravated assault and was held for trial. Lucky
for him he was able to retain a very good lawyer who discovered a
seldom used loophole in the law that seemed to address just such a

What was his defense? "Temp, a rarie in Santa tee."