The Scottish Prince
Posted by Richard Bonine, Jr (+15486) 12 years ago
Once upon a time in the beautiful country of medieval Scotland there lived a handsome prince who had an affinity for beautiful, thin women. Beauty wasn't enough; equally as important was that his ladies had to be thin. He had an aversion to the larger-sized ladies, in fact, he didn't even like them to be plump. Even if they were PLEASINGLY plump.

Anyway, be that as it may, he was just a bit prejudiced toward the larger ladies. Was this prince shallow or what? In fact, let's just call this Scottish prince Prince Shallowheart.

Now Prince Shallowheart was a fine-looking prince. When he reached his early twenties his father, the King of Scotland known as King Scott, decided it was time for the prince to marry. And knowing his affinity for beautiful THIN women, he scrutinized the eligible princesses of neighboring countries to see if there was a young woman that would fit the prince's requirements.

He examined every princess of every European country. And finally he decided upon the daughter of Italy's King Romero. She was striking, a beautiful face, long black hair, and she was quite THIN, most important for Prince Shallowheart, you remember.

So King Scott contacted King Romero about the possible relationship between their children, and King Romero was quite positive about the possibilities.

King Scott invited King Romero and his lovely, thin daughter to his medieval Scottish castle and for some strange reason the Italian princess was quite taken with Prince Shallowheart. It was a definite match. They wed among the lovely fields of lavender in the rolling hills of Scotland.

But the lovely princess did not care for the Scottish food. She missed her pasta. So she taught the castle cooks to make delectable pasta dishes. She loved pasta. This also gave her a tie to her past. How could she forget Italy? She certainly tried to be a good Scottish princess but it wasn't easy. And so the pasta dishes helped her cope in her new environment.

Well, needless to say, the Scottish cooks tried their very best to please the new princess. So they developed the skill of Italian cooking. In fact, they became so adept at Italian cuisine that the princess began to gain weight!

Yes, that beautiful Italian beauty became, at first, a PLUMP Italian beauty, and as the months wore on, she progressed to a FAT Italian beauty! Well, you can imagine Prince Shallowheart's reaction! Let's just say it wasn't exactly positive. It's really better to leave it at that.

In the midst of this national crises, and that is what it was, because when the prince is unhappy, the people are unhappy, not only was the royal family unhappy, all the peasants were unhappy. The entire country was unhappy! What a tragedy! A FAT princess.

Well, about this time, Prince Shallowheart was plotting within himself what he could do with this FAT wife of his. Frankly, she repulsed him.

Upon much contemplation, he decided upon a solution; he would banish her to live with the peasants! Just until she lost weight, of course. He would not be subjected to a FAT wife any longer. It was a travesty.

So, he banished her to the peasants' tents, to live out her life until she became thin once again. Actually, she was banished to the outermost tent from the castle. That way she could have a view of the hills of lavender and it gave her some comfort.

It was really the only solution. Of course, in his own shallow way, he did still love her. But the shame this woman brought upon him could simply not be tolerated.

The tents were not far from the castle, and Prince Shallowheart would watch her every day, scrutinizing how she looked. He would often behold her on the other side of the tents, running through the beautiful meadows.

Was she losing weight? He believed she was.

This brought joy to his shallow heart. He knew she was running through the meadows of lavender. He knew she wasn't eating all that pasta that she was used to. He believed her to be thinner.

At last, after observing her for several months, he decided to bring her home.

He rode through the camp of the tents on his dashing black stallion and swooped her up in his arms.

But in doing so, he strained his biceps muscle and dropped her. It was at this point that he realized she was not really thin at all!

He was horrified. In anguish, he rode back to the castle alone and poured out his woes to his father. "Why, Father, did my wife look so thin as I observed her from the castle? But when I lifted her up, she seemed to be as fat as ever. Why? Why? Why?"

Well, King Scott, being a wise king, said to him, "My son, the lass always looks leaner on the other side of the tents."
Posted by sdrew (+234) 12 years ago
Oh, boy...
Posted by Gm. Bonine (+91) 12 years ago
that one was like being led five miles out of town just to get change for a dollar.
Posted by Cory Cutting (+1278) 12 years ago
I would like a refund on the time I spent getting to that punch line.....