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Posted by Chad (+1758) 16 years ago
When I was a kid I hated peas
Especially the ones that came out of a can
They were always mushy
They tasted like warm vegetable chalk
I wasn't very fond of frozen peas either
They didn't have a bad texture, unless Grandma over cooked them
But they too lacked appeal

Grandma grew up through the Depression
She saved moldy bread and cheese
She always said, "Clean your plate, some kids is starving somewhere"
I almost had to lick my plate clean before I could leave the table
No wonder I got fat as a kid

Just for reference this was about the time the war in Vietnam was going on

One night I declared war on my dinner plate
War against my serving of canned peas
I did not want to eat them
They were disgusting, awful and gross
I had to find a way to not eat my peas....

Hmmm,
What if I put them in my mouth when Mom and Grandma look,
then when they turn away I'll spit them into my napkin.
Brilliant!
I ate my peas while they looked
Then out they came when they weren't watching
Right into my napkin!

Wow! It's working, I'm getting away with it.
Well, Mom and Grandma weren't completely blind
Apparently they noticed how quickly I went through something I usually hated.
When I took my plate to the sink Mom said, "Let me see your napkin".
I handed her a damp rolled up wad of paper
Inside she found my peas
Half chewed and soaked in spit

Mom sent me back to the table
She placed my plate in front of me
She unrolled the napkin full of wet, masticated peas
and flipped them on the plate
Grandma made another comment about children in some Third World country
She told me how much the can of peas cost
How hard she worked to earn those canned peas
How Mom spent time making dinner and warming up the peas

Mom sat down next to me and asked how I felt about the peas
I said bad, only to be obliging and to look like a sad puppy
Grandma sat down on the other side of me.
They both watched as they spoon fed me those damned peas for the second time
They made me eat every single bite- again,
Until my plate was clean.


[This message has been edited by Chad (edited 1/25/2006).]
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Posted by Kelly (+2745) 16 years ago
And your point is?
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Posted by Chad (+1758) 16 years ago
Does everything have to have a point Kelly?

Are you unable to appreciate a bit of humor or a moment from someones life? No senses of humor. Staunch, conservative, with a stiff upper lip, are you?

Chill out and relax. I was just trying to break the silence, present something that wasn't a complaint about politics, business, moral decay, or the right to pray in schools.

Take it for what it is- a funny moment in time.
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Posted by Hal Neumann (+10040) 16 years ago
"There's A Pea On My Plate"
- - Bill Harley
http://www.billharley.com/

There's a pea on my plate that my mother put there
She knows I don't like peas but she doesn't care
She says come on try it now it's not the worst
If you want some ice cream, you must eat that pea first
And I really did put the pea on my spoon
But I made a mistake and my mouth closed too soon
It slipped off the spoon and fell on to the floor
My mom said don't worry, she's got plenty more

There's a pea on my plate that my mother put there
Peas make me vomit but she doesn't care
They're wrinkled and mushy and slimy and green
I wonder what happened that made her so mean
There's really no telling how much this will hurt
But I have to eat it 'cause I want dessert
It shouldn't have happened, it's true I suppose
Somehow by mistake it got stuck up my nose

There's a pea on my plate that my mother put there
She knows I'm not hungry, but she doesn't care
I tell her if she makes me eat it, I'll die
She says that she's sorry to hear that, bye bye
It rolls on my plate, both forward and back
It rolls round and round like a train on the track
Faster and faster it huffs and it puffs
Till it rolls of the track - whoops!
My mom says "Enough!"

There's a pea on my plate that my mother put there
It's cold and it's clammy, but she doesn't care
It's hard to believe that just one stupid pea
Is all that stands between some ice cream and me
So we sit at the table, just me and my mom
My sister, my brother, my father are gone
I hear the clock ticking, now it's getting late
For me and my mom and the pea on the plate

There's a pea on my plate that my mother put there
She says that she really thinks she's being fair
Just one little bite and this whole thing will stop
And I can have ice cream with jimmies on top
She knows that she's got me, she'll win, there's no doubt
She knows ice cream's something I can't live without
She knows this is one fight that she cannot lose
I say, "Skip the ice cream, may I be excused?"
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Posted by Kelly (+2745) 16 years ago
Chad:

Usually when someone posts on a "discussion" forum, there is a point to their post, to start a discussion. Maybe if you had preficed or titled your post with, "A humorous story from childhood" instead of "War and Peas" it would have made more sense to me and other readers. No sense of humor, a conservative? Obviously you don't know much about me because I can find humor almost anywhere and I'm probably one of the most liberal people in Miles City. That is one of the reasons I don't fit in very well. As far as relaxing, I think it is you who needs to relax and take a chill pill.
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Posted by jackie (+161) 16 years ago
back to the peas. There are certain things that i was expected to eat as a child that i somehow neglected to ever bring to the dinner table as an adult. For me it was beets. Elementary school cafeteria...teacher sitting at table....i used to just gag on those. they just wouldn't go down. I realized all of my daughters life that she never tasted a beet. Worked in a pea cannery for college money for three years. Won't touch a can of peas to this day.
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Posted by Gunnar Emilsson (+17732) 16 years ago
Kelly:

You need to improve your reading comprehension and/or internet skills, dude. Chad didn't post this in the discussion forum, he posted it in the "arts, poetry & literature" forum. Now whether his little story fits any of those three categories, that is debatable.
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Posted by Kelly (+2745) 16 years ago
From Meriam-Webster Online Dictionary

Main Entry: fo·rum
Pronunciation: 'fOr-&m, 'for-
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural forums also fo·ra /-&/
Etymology: Latin; akin to Latin foris outside, fores door -- more at DOOR
1 a : the marketplace or public place of an ancient Roman city forming the center of judicial and public business b : a public meeting place for open discussion c : a medium (as a newspaper) of open discussion or expression of ideas
2 : a judicial body or assembly : COURT
3 a : a public meeting or lecture involving audience discussion b : a program (as on radio or television) involving discussion of a problem usually by several authorities

[This message has been edited by Kelly (edited 1/26/2006).]
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Posted by L G (+84) 16 years ago
If you don't like what you read, don't respond for one, and for two don't go back for more. Belittling people and making yourself look like the 'ass' in asumption does nothing for you.
People enjoy themselves in whatever ways it takes. It is not for you or I to judge or mock, but to listen in the hope that something mind-expanding can be taken away from other's experience.
In short, lay off Kelly.
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Posted by L G (+84) 16 years ago
I also would like to add that I hate peas too.
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Posted by Rick Kuchynka (+4458) 16 years ago
Yeah, but where did

"No senses of humor. Staunch, conservative, with a stiff upper lip, are you?"

come from?

You don't have to invent a conservative to find someone to yell at.

Me and Richard are right over here
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Posted by Duncan Bonine (+283) 16 years ago
Well at least Kelly got the "war" part of the title!

In retrospect, it's amusing how as kids we had such tremendous resolve to do or not do, and we still lost those wars.

For me it was lime jello w/veggies (or something) in it.
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Posted by Cheryl Thompson (+61) 16 years ago
Are peas the little round things in green beans, and if so how come they taste so good that way?
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Posted by Chad (+1758) 16 years ago
Cheryl,

Are you for real? That would be a bean; the outer shell is called the husk, just like corn.

Peas too have an outer shell; it's called a pod.

If I'm wrong please correct me. Amorette husk vs. pod?
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Posted by L G (+84) 16 years ago
Peas are the original pod people. LOL
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Posted by Hal Neumann (+10040) 16 years ago
"Every little bean must be heard as well as seen!"
--Erich M. Remarque (1898 - 1970)
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Posted by Chad (+1758) 16 years ago
Kelly,

I would say there is plenty of discussion going on.

Thanks for taking part.

Chad.
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Posted by Tucker Bolton (+3704) 16 years ago
How did you hide yours?

I could spread out an entire serving of peas and make them appear gone by spreading them around the edge of my plate and placing them under a mashed potatos and other scraps of food on my plate. I could get pretty creative when it came to avoiding the dreaded "eat all of your Peas" command.
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Posted by Jon Bonine (+165) 16 years ago
Duncan, it was canned veg-all. Nasty Lima beans
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Posted by Tom Rhoades (+33) 16 years ago
There is a time for War,
There is a time for peace,
NOW IS NOT THE TIME!
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Posted by MRH (+1505) 16 years ago
Hi, Peas and beans are both legumes, and both have pods. Corn is a totally different story. It is in the same family with all of the grasses. I'll save you the need to decipher scientific names. You can look the up on Google. Hope this helps.
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Posted by Hal Neumann (+10040) 16 years ago
"Peas In The Valley"
Parody by Airfarcewon
http://www.amiright.com/p...ey13.shtml

Oh well, right here in my garden,
I must plant all these seeds,
Pray the rain lightly falls, not wash away, (oh yes)
If the mornin' sun's bright,
Fertile soil is just right,
And the night, night is as warm as the day, (oh yes)

There will be Peas In The Valley, for me, someday
There will be Peas In The Valley, for me, come early June
There'll be no Jolly Green Giant, but surely, sure as can be,
There will be Peas, Peas In The Valley, for me, (Oh oh oh yes)


If the vermin are gentle,
The birds not disturb,
And the rabbits not crawl under my fence, (oh yes)
If all pests from the wild,
by my scarecrow be foiled,
I shall be fed, fed from the shelling, pods dispense, (Oh yes)

There will be Peas In The Valley, for me, someday
There will be Peas In The Valley, for me, come early June
There'll be no Jolly Green Giant, but surely, sure as can be,
There will be Peas, Peas In The Valley, for me, (Oh, oh, oh, yes)
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Posted by Duncan Bonine (+283) 16 years ago
Maybe if you'd learned to eat them, you could have that "Peas-full Easy Feeling".
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Posted by Hal Neumann (+10040) 16 years ago
One more, then I'll quit - I promise


"Carrot Juice Is Murder"
By the Arrogant Worms
http://www.arrogant-worms.com/

Power to the peas.
Give peas a chance.
All we are saying is "Give peas a chance".


Listen up brothers and sisters. Come hear my desperate tale.
I speak of our friends of nature trapped in the dirt like a jail.
Vegetables live in oppression served on our tables each night.
This killing of veggies is madness. I say we take up the fight.
Salads are only for murderers. Coleslaw's a fascist regime.
Don't think that they don't have feelings just cuz a radish can't scream.

Chorus:
I've heard the screams of the vegetables, (Scream, scream, scream.)
Watching their skins being peeled. (Having their insides revealed.)
Grated and steamed with no mercy. (Burning off calories.)
How do you think that feels? (Bet it hurts really bad.)
Carrot juice constitutes murder. (And that's a real crime.)
Greenhouses prisons for slaves. (Let my vegetables grow.)
It's time to stop all this gardening. (It's dirty as hell.)
Let's call a spade a spade. (Is a spade, is a spade, is a spade.)

I saw a man eating celery so I beat him black and blue.
If he ever touches a sprout again, I'll bite him clean in two.
I'm political prisoner trapped in a windowless cage,
Cause I stopped the slaughter of turnips by killing five men in a rage.
I told the judge when he sentenced me, "This is my finest hour
I'd kill those farmers again just to save one more cauliflower."

Chorus:
I've heard the screams of the vegetables, (Scream, scream, scream.)
Watching their skins being peeled. (Having their insides revealed.)
Grated and steamed with no mercy. (Burning off calories)
How do you think that feels? (Bet it hurts really bad.)
Carrot juice constitutes murder. (And that's a real crime.)
Greenhouses prisons for slaves. (Let my vegetables grow.)
It's time to stop all this gardening. (It's dirty as hell.)
Let's call a spade a spade. (Is a spade, is a spade, is a spade.)

How low as people do we dare to stoop
Making young broccolis bleed in the soup.
Untie your beans, uncage your tomatoes, Let potted plants free.
Don't mash that potato,
Oh, spare the spider, Eat up calories, Oh!

Chorus:
I've heard the screams of the vegetables, (Scream, scream, scream)
Watching their skins being peeled. (Fates in the stir fry are sealed.)
Grated and steamed with no mercy. (You fat gourmet scum.)
How do you think that feels? (Leave them out in the fields.)
Carrot juice constitutes murder. (V8's genocide.)
Greenhouses prisons for slaves. (Yes your compost's a grave.)
It's time to stop all this gardening. (Take up macramé.)
Let's call a spade a spade. (Is a spade, is a spade, is a spade.)

Power to the peas.
Give peas a chance.
All we are saying is "Give peas a chance".
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