Because you can never have too many dumb jokes...
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Posted by Richard Bonine, Jr (+14818) 10 years ago
Why did the farmer name his pig ink
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Because the pig was always running out of the pen.

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What do you call a nun who sleepwalks?
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A roamin Catholic

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Why shouldn't you tell secrets when a clock is around?
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Because time will tell.

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What season is it on a trampoline?
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Springtime.

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Why do they put telephone wires so high?
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To hold up the conversation.
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Posted by Richard Bonine, Jr (+14818) 10 years ago
Many people are unaware that singer Frank Sinatra was also an ecologist. He found out that the herds of wildebeests in Africa were being forced off their native lands into game reserves where they were more apt to be eaten by their natural enemies due to the crowded conditions.

These animals would congregate around lakes and other bodies of water, but had nowhere to run if they were attacked by their foes. This resulted in abnormal losses in the herds.

Frank, upon finding out about this, donated a lot of money to find open land for the animals so they wouldn't be so crowded. Sinatra's idea was to go to the watering holes and load the wildebeests onto large barges and take them to the other lands and set them free.

In order to accomplish this, he had to finance his work through a best-selling song about it. We've all heard the song before. It begins, "Start spreading the gnus." The title of the song is, of course, "New Ark, New Ark."
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Posted by Tracy Walters (+296) 10 years ago
Ow! That one hurts, Richard!
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Posted by Bob Netherton II (+1911) 10 years ago
Apparently you can.
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Posted by Richard Bonine, Jr (+14818) 10 years ago
A famous football player for the Minnesota Vikings had died, and because he believed he was descended from a real Viking, he wanted to be cremated on an open pyre.

At the ceremony, a fan of the player managed to get through security and began to make a pest of himself by asking questions of the other football players in attendance.

The security people began to chase the gate-crasher and, unfortunately, he stumbled into the fire and perished along with the body of his hero.

It was a case of going from the prying fan into the pyre.
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Posted by Big Dave (+440) 10 years ago
Scientists at North Dakota State University are making huge progress in identifying the best strains of marijuana to alleviate the pain experienced by cancer victims. An interesting ally in this endeavor has been the Arctic Tern, a native North Dakota bird. Each day, more than 10,000 of these birds inhale marijuana smoke in a sealed building on the NDSU campus. Interestingly, the behavior of the terns correlates perfectly with pain relief in humans. Simply put the calmer the large band of terns, the better the pain relieving quality of the pot. This research methodology has worked so well that virtually every tern in the state of North Dakota is living on the NDSU campus getting high every day. According to the lead research scientist on the project, "In the interest of improving quality of life for cancer patients we will leave no tern unstoned."
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Posted by Wendy Wilson (+6171) 10 years ago
The title of this thread is a bald-faced lie!
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Posted by Richard Bonine, Jr (+14818) 10 years ago
A famous football player for the Minnesota Vikings had died, and because he believed he was descended from a real Viking, he wanted to be cremated on an open pyre.

At the ceremony, a fan of the player managed to get through security and began to make a pest of himself by asking questions of the other football players in attendance.

The security people began to chase the gate-crasher and, unfortunately, he stumbled into the fire and perished along with the body of his hero.

It was a case of going from the prying fan into the pyre.
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Posted by Gunnar Emilsson (+16811) 10 years ago
So...if Wendy continues to be hypercritical, it appears that Richard will simply post yesterday's dumb joke.

Well played, Richard.
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Posted by Wendy Wilson (+6171) 10 years ago
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Posted by Richard Bonine, Jr (+14818) 10 years ago
Why is the electric chair considered to be period furniture.

Because it ends a sentence.
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Posted by Gunnar Emilsson (+16811) 10 years ago


Sorry....too lazy to look for a better thread to post this in.
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Posted by Richard Bonine, Jr (+14818) 10 years ago
Q. What do you call a cow jumping over a barbwire fence?



A. Udder Desctruction.
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Posted by Jeff Denton (+757) 10 years ago
What do you call twelve naked guys sitting on each other's shoulders?


A scrotum poll.

Sorry.
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Posted by Wendy Wilson (+6171) 10 years ago
You should be.
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Posted by Jeff Denton (+757) 10 years ago
Yeah, I wasn't sure what spelling of "pole" would be correct...
In my defense, the morning DJ's who aired the joke (phoned in on "Worst Joke Wednesday") asked themselves "well what do you expect when you ask for the worst?"
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Posted by Richard Bonine, Jr (+14818) 10 years ago
Where do you go when a tree has a birthday?
To a lumber party

What did the mother corn say to the baby corn?
"Be sure to wash your ears!"

What does a camel use to become invisible?
Camel-flage!

Why did the king go to the dentist?
To get his teeth crowned!

What did the barber do on his vacation?
He combed the beach.

Why can't cats finish watching a CD?
They keep hitting the paws button

How do you cut the ocean in half?
With a sea saw!

How can you tell if a bull is about to charge?
He takes out a credit card.

Why couldn't the chicken find her eggs?
Because she mislaid them.

What is the purpose of reindeer?
It makes the grass grow, darling.
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Posted by Gunnar Emilsson (+16811) 10 years ago
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Posted by Steve Sullivan (+1316) 10 years ago
Why can't cats finish watching a CD?
They keep hitting the paws button


I can't understand why anyone or anything would even try to watch a "CD."
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Posted by Steve Craddock (+2738) 10 years ago
Donald & Daisy

Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy.

The first thing Daisy asked was, "Do you have a condom?"

Donald frowned and said, "No."

Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a condom, they could not have sex.

"Maybe they sell them at the front desk," she suggested.
So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had condoms.

"Yes, we do," the clerk said and pulled a box out from under the counter. "Would you like me to put them on your bill?"

Donald quacked, "Thit No! I'll thuffocate!"
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Posted by Stone (+1591) 10 years ago
Jesus, crapduck- you just about killed me. Now that was funny.
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Posted by Steve Craddock (+2738) 10 years ago
I just realized that the joke is WRONG. It was Daffy Duck that talked with that particular lisp. You know what this means, dontcha?

Daisy is steppin' out on Donald!!!

Geez, no wonder she insisted on a condom...
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Posted by Richard Bonine, Jr (+14818) 10 years ago
Two bees ran into each other. One asked the other how things were going. "Really bad," said the second bee, "the weather has been really wet and damp and there aren't any flowers or pollen, so I can't make any honey

"No problem," said the first bee, "Just fly down five blocks and turn left and keep going until you see all the cars. There's a Bar Mitzvah going on and there are all kinds of fresh flowers and fresh fruit."

"Thanks for the tip" said the second bee and flew away. A few hours later the two bees ran into each other again and the first bee asked, "How'd it go?"

"Fine," said the second bee, "It was everything you said it would be."

"Uh, what's that thing on your head?" asked the first.

"That's my yarmulka," said the second bee, "I didn't want them to think I was a wasp."


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The FDA announced that it has discovered an new viral infection that affects Honey Bee's. The virus attacks the inner ear of the Bee, causing it to stagger in its flight.

When the Bee attempts to land on a blossom, it misses and hits the petal instead. This violent contact with the plant results in the transfer of the virus from the Bee to the plant. Once the plant is infected, it soon withers and dies.

The FDA has named this virus "The Blight of the Fumble Bee"
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Posted by Steve Craddock (+2738) 10 years ago
Richard - that bee at the bar Mitzvah joke is classic. I just hope none of my Jewish friends have heard it yet.
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Posted by Joe Smity (+108) 10 years ago
"The Blight of the Fumble Bee"

Groannnnn......
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Posted by korky II (+614) 10 years ago
One day a farmer decided to get some fruit from the apple tree down by his pond. Upon nearing the pond he heard ladies talking and were skinny dipping in his pond. He made his presence known and the ladies all went to the deep end of the pond. One of them said were nude and we are not coming out till you leave. The farmer replied , " Ididnt come down here to see you ladies nude". I just came down here to feed the alligators.
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