A frog goes into a bank and

approaches the teller. He

can see from her nameplate

that her name is Patricia

Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get

a $30,000 loan to take a

holiday."


Patty looks at the frog in

disbelief and asks his name.

The frog says his name is

Kermit Jagger, his dad is

Mick Jagger, and that it's

okay, he knows the bank

manager.

Patty explains that he will

need to secure the loan with

some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have

this," and produces a tiny

porcelain elephant, about an

inch tall, bright pink and

perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains

that she'll have to consult

with the bank manager and

disappears into a back office..

She finds the manager and

says, "There's a frog called

Kermit Jagger out there who

claims to know you and wants

to borrow $30,000, and he

wants to use this as

collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink

elephant. "I mean, what in

the world is this?"



The bank manager looks back

at her and says.


"It's a knickknack, Patty

Whack.. Give the frog a loan,

His old man's a Rolling

Stone."

As it swept across a large number of chicken farms, a powerful tornado sucked up thousands of the birds high into the stratosphere.

Unfortunately, as the tornado dissipated and the birds returned to earth, many people going about their business in a town fifty miles away were mown down in a hail of pullets!

It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.


********************


I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it........

[This message has been edited by howdy (4/7/2010)]

A termite walks into a bar and asks, 'Is the bartender here?'

In the middle of one of the large Western deserts there was a little spot of green. It's not clear whether the green came first, and sprouted the little café, or perhaps the café came first, and the green grew around it. Nonetheless, "The Big O", as it was known, had been there for decades, and was likely to be there for decades more, since it was the only decent food for about a hundred and fifty miles in any given direction.

One day a developer happened to come through, and stopped at the place. Over a pork chop (carrots and rice on the side) he suggested that perhaps a McDonald's or a Taco Bell might be just the ticket -- something travelers would recognize, a known quantity.

The poor fellow underestimated the locals. Though there couldn't have been more than about forty people living within ten miles of the place, at least twenty of them were hanging out at the O. They railed; they ranted; they raved. Had there been tar and feathers on the premises he'd've left with a new outfit. As it was, he quickly decided the best thing he could do was get out of town fast and leave the O as is.

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.

He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and looks it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee..

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, 'We're not coming out until you leave!

The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'

Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.'

Some old men can still think fast.