Hellman's Mayonnaise
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Posted by Gunnar Emilsson 8 years ago
Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.

This would have been the largest single shipment delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York.

The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.

The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day.

The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as "Sinko de Mayo".
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Posted by deer_slayer 8 years ago
sweet
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Posted by Richard Bonine, Jr 8 years ago
Very Funny! I like that one.
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Posted by Bart Freese 8 years ago
You should have been a history teacher, Mr. Emilsson.

The other day we where talking about the passover meal and the meaning of Miracle Whip.
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Posted by Hal Neumann 8 years ago
Cool! food puns.

Guess I'd best catch up!

Yes . . . I know, that was just gruel and unusual punishment.
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Posted by Gunnar Emilsson 8 years ago
A blonde walked into an electronics store and told the salesman, "I want that T.V."

and she points to the display.

He looks at her and tells her, "I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to sell that to blondes."

So the blonde, all ticked off, walks out of the store.

An hour later, she walks back into the same store with a black wig on. She walks up to the salesman and says, "I want to buy that T.V."

and she points to the display.

He looks at her and said, "I'm sorry, but I already told you we can't sell that to blondes."

So she walks out of the store mad again without a T.V.

A few weeks later she gets a makeover, new hair color and everything, and she walks back into that electronics store. She walks up to the salesman and says, "I want to buy that T.V."

and points to the display.

The salesman shakes his head and tells her, "I told you twice already, I can't sell that to blondes."

The blonde looks at him and says, "How do you know that I'm a blonde?"

He looks at her and states, "Because, that's a microwave."
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Posted by Dona Stebbins 8 years ago
Does this mean I can't post the one about "Hell-sinki?"
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Posted by Richard Bonine, Jr 8 years ago
Brian, the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, is taking a stroll down his local Main Street. As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye. "Just Released - New LP - Wasps of the World & the sounds that they make - available now"

Unable to resist the temptation, Brian goes into the shop. "I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make. I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window."

"Certainly, Sir," says the young man behind the counter. "If you'd like to step into the booth and put on the headphones, I'll put the LP on for you."

Brian, the world's leading expert on European wasps, goes into the booth and puts on the earphones. Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth and announces, "I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I recognized none of those."

"I'm sorry Sir," says the young assistant. "If you'd care to step into the booth, I can let you have another 10 minutes."

Brian, the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds they make, steps back into the booth and replaces the headphones. Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth shaking his head. "I don't understand it," he says, "I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, and yet I still can't recognize any of those!"

"I really am terribly sorry," says the young assistant, "I've just realized I was playing you the bee side!"
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Posted by Hal Neumann 8 years ago
>>I was playing you the bee side.

Good one Richard . . . I love shaggy dog stories - the shaggier the better.
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Posted by Richard Bonine, Jr 8 years ago
Hmm... if one gets sick eating Hellman's do they go to the Mayo clinic?
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Posted by Brian A. Reed 8 years ago
I'm so happy that it's spring - almost time for the chili con carnival!
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Posted by Hal Neumann 8 years ago
There lived a man who was very unhappy because he was deeply in love with a girl who didn't know he was alive. In desperation, he visited a coven of witches who lived nearby and presented his case before them.

Touched by his tale of woe, and impressed with the young man's appearance, manner, and bearing, they decided to help him. They worked their magic and eventually presented the young man with several small objects that looked like capsules. "Bury these under the window of your beloved under a full moon and she will love you," they instructed.

Doubtful, the young man resolved nevertheless to do as the witches instructed. On the very next full moon, he stealthily made his way over to his beloved's house and carefully buried the capsules in the rich loam beneath her window. Nothing happened right away, but, trusting the wisdom of the old ladies, he went home to see what the next day would bring.

The next morning, he walked hopefully over to the girl's house and rang her doorbell. She opened the door, saw it was him, and grabbed him. She hugged him, kissed him, and invited him in for lunch. Their courtship was short but passionate, and within a month they were happily married.

Late one night after they had been married, the young man visited the coven again. "I just want to thank you ladies for your help. My life is everything I could have desired."

"No problem, dearie," said one of the old ladies. "After all, nothing says lovin' like something from the coven, and pills buried says it best."
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